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Daily Rhythms with Anchor Points and Pressure Valves

April 2, 2013 in homemaking, learning and exploring, Life, parenting, productivity, quotes with 2 Comments

rhythms

Anchor Points Make Days Predictable and Flexible

These days, I don’t write out a minute by minute schedule to plan each day. Forget minutes–I don’t write out hourly schedules, either. Our days are fairly predictable with expected routines, but they also have a lot unstructured kid free time spaced throughout the day.

We like to call the routines that hold down our day our anchor points. Anchor points are the non-negotiables that tie our days together. We have a few checklist items (e.g., make/eat breakfast, work on article, read book together, take walk, etc…), and then I arrange them within the general time categories when I need to accomplish them (e.g., morning, early afternoon, evening while kids are sleeping, etc…). Wedding this idea with the concept of margin has provided me with more flexibility and opportunities to get things done.

Keep It Simple Schedule

One way to become quickly overwhelmed with small children is to pencil in every minute of the day. When a diaper or potty accident occurs, a shoe is lost while heading out the door, or a child really needs a little more of your attention, the minute-by-minute schedule is thrown off for the rest of the day. Instead, and particularly in this season of motherhood, it may help to focus on times as chunks, and days with routines instead of strict schedules.

In his productivity book Zen to Done, Leo Babuata encourages his readers to eliminate many of the unnecessary items off of their checklists, and just focus on three main tasks for each day. By eliminating others, they are more compelled to actually accomplish the most important tasks.

While such extreme simplification in motherhood (especially the SAHM version) may seem unrealistic, it may help to eliminate the minutia that ends up creating more stress and distracting from accomplishing what is truly important.

Life Tastes Better in Bite-Sized Chunks

Viewing your day as centered around anchor points will also help to break the day into chunks, and allow each section to seem more manageable. Bite-size is easier to do throughout the day than trying to eat a whole elephant at the end of the day.

Mealtimes are great anchor points. Using these as your non-negotiable times, you may choose to break up your day into a breakfast checklist, a lunchtime checklist, an afternoon checklist, and an after supper checklist. Additionally, each day may have its own space for a particular outing or activity. (But when you try to cram in too many, you’ll definitely experience circuit overload!)

Centered around the morning anchor point, you may wish to include breakfast, cleaning up the breakfast dishes, deeper cleaning one room assigned each day, reading through two small books with a child, and answering one e-mail. Of course, with children, there will be a host of other activities that come up: changing a diaper, an emergency bath, or helping an older child work through a frustration or schoolword. With children, flexibility is important–both for your sake and the child’s. Then, push to get all those items accomplished before the next anchor comes up. You can rearrange as life happens, and even eliminate when needed.

We All Need Breathing Space: Margin and Pressure Valves 

We all need breathing space in our days, throughout our days. This breathing space is, as Dr. Richard Swenson titles it, margin. Margin is essential in motherhood, though we don’t often notice it if we’re not intentional about it. Yet its absence often leaves us breathless and wondering why.
In the book Simplicity Parenting, author Kim John Payne discusses the concept of pressure valves. Pressure valves are important parts of the day–they are times during which to release pressure or tension and to sort of “regroup” or “debrief” mentally and emotionally before moving on to the next part of the day. These are important for anyone, but particularly so for the more introverted and easily stimulated child. Such activities can include painting, water play, naps and quiet times, quiet play, or a quiet walk.

Or, as Payne writes about other types of pressure valves:

“For some boys and industrious types, work can serve as a pressure valve. Such work might be doing a project: hauling rocks in a wheel-barrow, digging a hole, building with blocks, catching lizards, or climbing a tree. Ongoing projects that kids are anxious to get back to right after school can be wonderful pressure valves. Any activity a child can “lose himself in” allows for a release of tension, and the mental ease needed to process the day’s events. Whatever the means, active deep play is an excellent pressure valve. As kids reach the preteen years, sometimes hobbies or collections – the beginnings of deep passions – and organized sports can serve the same purpose.”

Personal Experience 
I’ve found that my kids need both unstructured play and quiet times (since naps are not usual for the oldest two) to have a smoother day. And I’ve found that when I am able (not always possible!) my own morning and afternoon with a little quiet space, the day goes much more smoothly on my end, as well. (And if you must live by a minute-by-minute schedule, then schedule these into your day.)
I have watched my children learn to create all sorts of objects with paper, scissors, and glue or in the dirt when “set free” to play by themselves. I’ve also overheard countless stories being relived and enhanced as they become actors in the worlds they create from stories we’ve read, family memories we’ve shared, and totally random compilations of their lives.
As homeschoolers who finished their work quickly, my husband and his brothers (and sister) had many hours with which to invent their own worlds, write and illustrate books in the notebooks, and even make home video movies complete with explosive. I see his creativity then and now, and want that for my children.
But when every single minute is structured, these opportunities are often lost.
As I was working on this post, I noticed that Catherine of The Spirited Mind had a very helpful post that addressed many of the same topics, though from a different angle. I have appreciated her ongoing writing on habit training and children, and benefited from her tying together Charlotte Mason, habit training, and unstructured time.
On my end, I know the coming years will hold more structured (school) time than they do now, but for now we are learning lots with lots of unstructured moments spaced between a little bit of reading and writing. And at present, we are also aiming to grow and learn more habits to catalyze the effects of the unstructured time (and vice versa). I entered adult life with far fewer habits than my husband, so I often feel like trying to instill them both in myself and my children while also living a full life is like swimming upstream. But then again, two steps forward for every step back is still progress!
Do you live by a highly-structured schedule? A flexible routine? Or nothing at all? Or all of the above? :)

How Pride, Distraction, and Fear Keep Us from Sabbath, Grace, and Delight

March 21, 2013 in 2013 Reading, quotes with 0 Comments

joyrest.

In his book Sabbath, Dan Allender opens the book by stating there are several factors that keep us from observing the Sabbath.

The first reason he gives is pride (emphasis mine):

“The dark side of pride is that the work addict secretly believes he can outmaster the fates and find a way to achieve what others have failed to do. Somehow he will get his dream to remain on the top of the mountain and not slip from his grasp. Like any addiction, pride spins us deeper into the bondage of slavery, requiring other diversions to keep us from facing our plight.”

A second reason is distraction (though this quote is a sort of a subpoint):

“Often the defense against distractions is rigidity. We say that distractions are like Vanity Fair and can only be managed by a flintlike determination. We don’t shop on the Sabbath-ever. We don’t drive on the Sabbath-unless we are going to church. It is not okay to exchange money on the Sabbath, but polluting the earth with carbon-based fuels is just fine as long as the only driving is to church and back. We invent rules that seem orderly and sensible, if not righteous and moral, so that anyone who violates our code is somehow less than committed.“

A third reason is fear, specifically fear of delight, joy, and grace:

Nothing is more desperately needed in our day than the Sabbath. It is not because we are driven, stressed, and exhausted. We are all those things. And if we practiced the ancient art of Sabbath, we would be incalculably less harried. However, our awareness of the need doesn’t seem to be moving many, if any, to reconsider the Sabbath. As much as I concur with my Sabbath-writing colleagues who emphasize our need for rest, these writings fail to address what I believe to be the far more substantial issue.

We are driven because our work brings us power and pride that dulls our deeper desire for delight.

We are far more practiced and comfortable with work than play. We are far better at handling difficulties than joy. When faced with a problem, we can jump into it or avoid it; we can use our skills or resources to manage it. But what do we do with joy? We can only receive it and allow it to shimmer, settle, and then in due season, depart; leaving us alive and happy but desiring to hold on to what can’t be grasped or controlled.

Joy is lighter than sorrow and escapes our grasp with a fairylike, ephemeral adieu. Sorrow settles in like a 280-pound boar that has no intention of ever departing. One calls us to action and the other to grace. Which is easier: to work for your salvation with the self-earned power of self-righteousness or to receive what is not deserved or owed, but freely given and fully humbling?

Humanity is not made for Sabbath; Sabbath was made for all God’s creation: male, female; slave, free; Jew, Gentile; believer, unbeliever; beast of burden, and the ground itself. And Sabbath is not merely the cessation of work; it is turning from work to something utterly different from what we normally call rest.

excerpts taken from the book Sabbath: The Ancient Practices by Dan Allender

“Make glorious, amazing mistakes.”

January 2, 2013 in quotes, reflections with 1 Comment

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something. So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

~Neil Gaiman

The Freedom of Common Grace

December 18, 2012 in books, quotes, reading with 1 Comment

“Without an understanding of common grace, Christians will believe they can live self-sufficiently within their own cultural enclave. Some might feel that we should go only to Christian doctors, work only with Christian lawyers, listen only to Christian counselors, or enjoy only Christian artists. Of course, all non-believers have seriously impaired spiritual vision. Yet so many of the gifts God has put in the world are given to nonbelievers. Mozart was a gift to us–whether he was a believer or not. So Christians are free to study the world of human culture in order to know more of God; for as creatures made in His image we can appreciate truth and wisdom wherever we find it.

Without an understanding of common grace, Christians will have trouble understanding why non-Christians so often exceed Christians morally and in wisdom. Properly understood, the doctrine of sin means that  believers are never as good as our true worldview should make us. Similarly  the doctrine of grace means that unbelievers are never as messed up as their false worldview should make them. For in the Christian story, the antagonist is not non-Christians but the reality of sin, which (as the gospel tells us) lies within us as well as within them.

And so we are likely to be on firm footing if we make common ground with non-Christians to do work that serves the world. Christians’ work with others should be marked by both humble cooperation and respectful provocation. An understanding of common grace, as well as an experience of God’s pardoning grace in Christ, should lead us to freely and humbly work with others who may not share our faith but can be used greatly by God to accomplish enormous good.”

-Timothy Keller, in Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God’s Work

photo credit

“A Tradition of Discounting…”

September 7, 2012 in parenting, quotes, Uncategorized with 6 Comments

Reading Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman, I encountered this morsel of perspicaciousness:

[W]e have inherited a tradition of discounting children’s feelings simply because children are smaller, less rational, less experienced, and less powerful than the adults around them. Taking children’s emotions seriously requires empathy, keen listening skills, and a willingness to see things from their perspective. It also takes a certain selflessness.”

(Which sort of reminds me of dear old Dr. Seuss, saying, ”A person’s a person no matter how small.”)

 

Reading 2012: How Children Raise Parents

August 15, 2012 in 2012 Reading, Faith, family, parenting, quotes, Resources with 1 Comment

Although I’m still confused as to how the cover image fits with the theme of the book, How Children Raise Parents: The Art of Listening to Your Family is a Christian parenting book written from a relatively rare, yet refreshing and much needed perspective.

The theme of the book is similar to that of Sacred Parenting, in that the emphasis on parenting is less on how to “change our children,” and more on how God uses parenting to change, grow, and mature us into adults who parent with love, strength, and humility.  Continue Reading…

Reading 2012: In the Presence of My Enemies

June 26, 2012 in 2012 Reading, ministry, missions, parenting, quotes, reading with 0 Comments

I remember hearing about Gracia and Martin Burnham in 2001, when the New Tribes Missions couple was kidnapped by the Abu Sayyaf, Islamic terrorists in the Philippines. I also remember hearing of her husband’s death and her release, and then, sometime later, my alma mater’s in-person honoring of her faith (a couple of her nieces were on the dormitory staff) during her ordeal. Her book has been on my “want-to-read-list” since I heard of is publishing, but I never followed through until this month, when the book, In the Presence of My Enemies was offered free via Kindle (no longer available free Kindle download, although the first chapter is available to read here).

In the book, Gracia shares her early life and marriage to Martin, their 17 years of ministry as missionaries in the Philippines, their life there with their three children, and then the 376 days of their captivity (after being kidnapped while at a small resort where they were celebrating their eighteenth wedding anniversary). With only the clothes on their backs (which wasn’t much, as they were taken away in the early hours of the morning), they faced over a year of difficult travels, near starvation, absence of of basic sanitation and comfort, constant exhaustion and physical pain, false hope of release, gunfights, and even having fellow captives face rape and decapitation. In the end, all but one of the other captives besides the Burnhams and those who were killed were released. Martin was unintentionally killed by the gunfire of their rescuers, and Gracia wounded.

The struggles they faced were not merely physical. Gracia humbly and honestly recounts her spiritual struggles during their time in the jungle, one which allowed her to emerge believing in and testifying to the gracious and loving sovereignty of God. The book gives readers a glimpse into fundamentalist, Islamic-based terrorist groups, particularly the dynamic that comes to play when the militants are somewhat uneducated to their own religion and even the manipulation and hypocrisy that is used to force others to join.

After her rescue, Gracia was asked to return to the Philippines to testify against her kidnappers. Eventually, those who were not killed in subsequent gunfights, or who had not escaped, were imprisoned. In an ultimate expression of loving her enemies, Gracia writes these men and shares with them the Gospel. She has also started ministries to help provide financially for their families by buying some of their craftsmanship. As the pastor at our church reminded us this Sunday, many religions ask their adherents to “love their neighbors as themselves;” yet, it is one of the marks of true Christianity for one to love their enemies. Clearly, it is an evidence of God’s sanctifying grace in Gracia that she emerged from this ordeal able to truly love her enemies.

As a wife and mother who at times thought our family would be in a similar missions context, such a scenario is still only one I could have imagined. Yet, there were countless scenarios that placed Gracia in a position dealing with the same experiences many first-world Christians face on a regular basis.
As a young mother, I found this lesson from Gracia to be a helpful admonishment and reminder:
“Poor Martin — he was so good to put up with my emotions. If we were in a gun battle and I was falling apart, he would say, “Gracia, this isn’t the time to cry. You’re wasting energy. You need to get ahold of yourself—you can cry later, okay?”
But he never reprimanded me for crying. It made me think back to earlier  days, when I was homeschooling the kids, and I pushed Jeffrey so hard to perform that he would burst into tears. On more than one occasion I had said, “I don’t want to see you cry, because you’re just trying to get your way.” I was really impatient and unfair with him.
Now in the jungle, I thought to myself, How would you feel if someone walked up to you right now and said, “I don’t want you crying, because you’re just trying to get your own way?“ I promised myself that if I ever got back to Jeff, I would sit him down and apologize for pushing him so hard. He was actually a good student, and so were the other kids. I just expected them to be perfect little adults instead of kids who were learning to make their way in the world.”

The story is engaging, though at times difficult to read and imagine what the Burnhams and fellow captives faced. Gracia divides her story into 22 chapters:

Table of Contents:

  • 1 Seized at Dawn
  • 2 Bright Beginnings
  • 3 The Nicest Guy
  • 4 Rookies
  • 5 Toddlers and Traffic
  • 6 The Perils of Palawan
  • 7 Hospital of Horror
  • 8 The Threat
  • 9 Left Behind
  • 10 Surrounded
  • 11 A Song for the Jungle
  • 12 Justice or Mercy?
  • 13 September 11
  • 14 Wedding Time
  • 15 The Package
  • 16 Silent Nights
  • 17 So Close
  • 18 Ransomed!
  • 19 One Rainy Afternoon
  • 20 The Embassy
  • 21 Going Home
  • 22 Reflections

“A Declaration of Freedom”

June 18, 2012 in grace, quotes with 0 Comments

“In the Bible, Sabbath rest means to cease regularly from and to enjoy the results of your work. It provides balance: ‘Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God’ (Exodus 20:9–10). Although Sabbath rest receives a much smaller amount of time than work, it is a necessary counterbalance so that the rest of your work can be good and beneficial.

God liberated his people when they were slaves in Egypt, and in Deuteronomy 5:12–15, God ties the Sabbath to freedom from slavery. Anyone who overworks is really a slave. Anyone who cannot rest from work is a slave – to a need for success, to a materialistic culture, to exploitative employers, to parental expectations, or to all of the above. These slave masters will abuse you if you are not disciplined in the practice of Sabbath rest. Sabbath is a declaration of freedom.

Thus Sabbath is about more than external rest of the body; it is about inner rest of the soul. We need rest from the anxiety and strain of our overwork, which is really an attempt to justify ourselves—to gain the money or the status or the reputation we think we have to have. Avoiding overwork requires deep rest in Christ’s finished work for your salvation (Hebrews 4:1–10). Only then will you be able to ‘walk away’ regularly from your vocational work and rest.”

-Timothy Keller

Life in Instagram: 05.19.12

May 20, 2012 in family, family time, Life, Life in Instagram, links, quotes with 5 Comments

Our last few weeks have been much fuller than we normally would choose, but they have been wonderful times and we’ve been able to get together with old college friends and enjoy some special times together. I’ve always known May was busy, but this one has been especially so when thrown into the mix a pregnancy that sometimes leaves us wiped out much more than just a normal busy phase would. So, now I’m trying to document for myself (and perhaps the 3 other people who might be interested in these kinds of updates) the last few weeks (now almost over a month ago) of Instagram pics. I’m past 40 weeks now, so our new baby should be here soon. And things start to slow down around here this week. Very excited!

1. Eden getting the mail with me. 2. A colder day. 3. She loves the feel of grass between her toes. 4. Hana Kate relabeled her clothing drawers. 5. Roses that our sweet neighbor brought over (from his garden) one day when I wasn’t feeling well. 6. sunsets out here are so beautiful! 7. Learning with Daddy. 8. So fun! Continue Reading…

Reading 2012: Spirit-Led Parenting

May 8, 2012 in 2012 Reading, books, child training, Faith, family, Home, ministry, parenting, pregnancy and birth, quotes, Resources with 7 Comments

In Spirit-Led Parenting: From Fear to Freedom in Baby’s First Year, Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer reflect on their early years of parenting, and how God moved them from fear to freedom during their first year of mothering. The book is divided into two parts, the first (chapters 1 through 3) focusing on their personal journey and their realization that many young mothers have also had a similar experience, and then part two (chapters 4 through 11) mostly focuses on examining specific areas in which many young mothers have been led to believe confusing and conflicting teachings.

I picked up this book because it was new and written specifically to a Christian audience (with specific encouragement to mothers who have already read and/or practiced confusing mainstream parenting advice). It’s a field in which I try to read broadly, though this one definitely captured my interest as my experience of concerns with some “infant management” teachings seemed slightly similar to the authors’s experience. Still, I was surprised at how refreshing and encouraging this book was to me as we prepare to care for and nurture an infant again, in what could be just a few days or weeks.

Contents: 

  • Chapter One: As We Began
  • Chapter Two: As We Confess Our Fears
  • Chapter Three: As We Pursue Another Way
  • Chapter Four: As We Feed Them
  • Chapter Five: As They Sleep
  • Chapter Six: As We Parent Together
  • Chapter Seven: As We Keep the Spark
  • Chapter Eight: As We Encourage Connection
  • Chapter Nine: As They Sleep … Where?
  • Chapter Ten: As We Stay On Track
  • Chapter Eleven: As We Have Found His Redemption

Why We Accept Fear-Based Living and Rules of Parenting Infants

(For highlighting this book, I think this post is less of a “review” and more of an introduction and exposure to the book. As such, I wanted to pull out several quotes from the book.)

“The stakes in parenting are high. Unlike other areas of life in which we can walk away if things don’t work out, in parenting this is it. You are the only parents your child gets and it is up to you not to mess it up. That is an incredible amount of pressure, and it weighs heavily on parents-to-be. Added to this is the fear of failing our spouses, our marriages, and our circles of friends by not sticking to the established norms for how things are done to build and maintain happy homes.

All of these worries boil down to one central concern: Fear of the unknown. If we could just know for sure what was headed our way in parenting and know for certain what the answers were to any potential problems, we would feel so much more prepared for the journey.” (35)

“Because our culture tends to avoid sharing life together in the intimacy that provides real-life responses to these universal fears, there are bookshelves full of advice from the experts. The authors of these manuals are quite certain they have found the answer to all your baby-raising needs, with some even going so far as to suggest that the approach they take is God’s way to parent an infant.”

“There is something to be said for the comfort mainstream parenting paradigm offers. In the face of fear, the natural response is to seek out a way to avoid what is causing us anxiety or to enact a plan that will help us overcome the fear.” (35)

“When you are peering into the great unknown of life with a baby, it can be quite comforting to know that someone will tell you what to do. We crave a solution, and we are given one.”

“Answers chase the fears away. Charts and schedules color in the unknown. A sturdy plan becomes the lifeline. Now we can do this. Now we can shake the fear.”

Only what if that doesn’t happen?”

“What if the realization that our days and nights and our babies’ behaviors look nothing like the ones we are reading about only sends us careening into deeper, darker tunnels of confusion–and the fears just intensify?” (37)

“The fear of failing these instructions climbs to painful intensity when we also carry the perception that we are failing God.”

“One-size-fits-all parenting advice already makes sweeping assumptions about the effectiveness and appropriateness of the methods for every child of every parent in every home. When such advice is penned or interpreted through a Christian perspective, it can create some of the strongest fear of all for those parents who do not, in fact, fit. Suddenly, everything is at risk: our children, our marriages, our reputations, and even our relationships with God. The implications of these risks can be truly terrifying.” (40)

“Some parenting manuals seem to actually rely on fear to convince the reader that their way is best. Fear can be a strong motivator, but it’s an exhausting burden to carry…Rather than feeling empowered to step off the beaten path to explore a new approach that might be better suited to our families, we found ourselves paralyzed, listening to voices which seemed to play on an endless loop in our minds, perpetually indicting all of our shortcomings.”

What we desperately needed was someone who would tell us that what we thought were our shortcomings weren’t really shortcomings at all, but rather symptoms that fear-sickness had overtaken our hearts and minds.” (41)

“We want consistent guidelines and cold hard facts. We want outlines and directions that are easy to read and follow. But Spirit-lead parenting doesn’t work like that. And the reason for this is yet another radical idea: the first year should be less about training our babies and more about God developing us as parents and human beings. If we let him, God can use that first intense year of baby’s life to train us how to live a life that is fully surrendered to Him, to cultivate in us a trust that follows His lead, seeks Him first, and understands His grace.

A Different Perspective

As we will share throughout this book, parenting under the direction of the Holy Spirit is not easy. It can and likely will squeeze every last drop of self out of us. If we yield to it, though, there is much potential for spiritual growth and for learning–in the most hands-on, real-life way possible–what it truly means to be a servant leader. It can be a year of transformation from which we emerge with a refined and sharpened perspective, equipped to experience other people, other relationships, and other situations through the eyes of a servant. It can be a year of discovering new and life-changing joy and a release from the captivity of guilt and shame.” (44)

“This philosophy of child rearing requires a shift away from the mindset of parenting with the goal of convenience.”

“Letting go of control in any area of life is difficult and prying ourselves from the grip of those messages insisting that we maintain control…or else (Your marriage! Your child’s future! The harmony in your home!), takes far more effort. The relative unknown of surrendering to God’s lead versus the allure of neatly-ordered plans for success creates a stressful dilemma as we question whether He will really come through and wonder if we really hear Him.” (45-46)

“So much of what is spoken to parents (in secular and Christian material) is about maintaining and reclaiming yourself after you have a child, but there are few suggestions that one worthy response to God entrusting you with this little one is dying to your devotion to yourself. And since God Himself directs us to do so, we aren’t turning ourselves over to our babies or to other people as much as we are turning ourselves over to the Lord, who (among other things) leads and commands us to be servants of others.

“If we were to look at our spouse, or at a neighbor that God has placed in our lives who has needs to be met, and say, “I’m sorry, what you need from me isn’t convenient at this time. You’ll have to learn to require those things at an appropriate time,” we would surely consider that attitude to be one from which we need to repent.

Why would we see our children, the most precious gifts that God has placed in our care, any differently? Perhaps parenting an infant is one of the purest examples of living out the gospel because it is truly a give, give, give relationship. It is a constant opportunity to allow God to refine us by laying down our own desires to care for the needs of another.” (53)

“Life with an infant, however, is no time for unnecessary heroics. In fact, it can be a powerful opportunity to learn how to accept the service of others as you serve the needs of your baby.” (75)

Other Excerpts

“One of the most beautiful aspects of a healthy marriage is the way it is always evolving, shifting to meet the needs of both spouses, allowing them to move forward with clasped hands and interwoven hearts. The months of parenting an infant together are ripe with opportunity to grow even closer to the person you have pledged your love and life to through the covenant of marriage.” (117)

“Our encouragement to you is to pray, pray, and pray some more. It would be so much easier (wouldn’t it?) if God had included a short but very specific book in the Bible with black-and-white instructions on all things parenting. But rather than burdening us with more law, He had to have known His gracious offer of freedom would woo us ever closer to Him.” (215)

Final Thoughts

The book is specifically addressed to Christian parents, with specific application to those who have been offered mainstream parenting advice (both, either/or secular and Christian materials). In the preface, Sally Clarkson (author of The Ministry of Motherhood and The Mission of Motherhood) writes, “if you are a new mom, or a veteran mom about to give birth again, you have opened the right book. You only get one chance to give your baby a wonderful first year of life. This book will set you free to enjoy that first year of motherhood with all the blessings, grace, and delight God intends you to experience. Naturally, that’s the way it should be.”

While the book is written specifically with a female audience in mind, there are portions of the book also addressed to husbands/fathers. The authors’ husbands also share how God used the early stages of parenting infants to draw them closer to their wives and to God.

Although I’d hoped to share more of my experience and how it correlated with this book, the time and space is limited here. Essentially, much of what I “bought into” was a result of my fear and my pride, in my case–more pride than fear. Though even initially I was somewhat of an outcast from the mainstream because I did a few things out of the ordinary, there were still elements which I followed religiously and offered to my fellow mothers as the be-all, end-all solution.  Through a couple of circumstances, I finally saw very clearly my own selfishness in my motivation and view of my child. (That’s not to say her first year was mostly rough–there are many wonderful memories, and she was a fairly “easy” infant. But I will never have that first year with just her back, and I regret some of the more harsh ways in which I treated her.)

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