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Reading 2012: How Children Raise Parents

August 15, 2012 in 2012 Reading, Faith, family, parenting, quotes, Resources with 1 Comment

Although I’m still confused as to how the cover image fits with the theme of the book, How Children Raise Parents: The Art of Listening to Your Family is a Christian parenting book written from a relatively rare, yet refreshing and much needed perspective.

The theme of the book is similar to that of Sacred Parenting, in that the emphasis on parenting is less on how to “change our children,” and more on how God uses parenting to change, grow, and mature us into adults who parent with love, strength, and humility.  Continue Reading…

Justus’s Birth Story: Part 2

June 22, 2012 in baby, birth, Eden's Birth Story, Faith, Justus's Birth Story, photography, reflections with 13 Comments

Continued from Part 1 of Justus’s Birth story (If you don’t want to read the details of birth, you can end here. :) )

Continue Reading…

Links to Think: 05.21.12

May 21, 2012 in Faith, family, family time, feed reads, Life, links, Resources with 0 Comments

 

Muscular Christianity - While this article is probably now already ancient internet archive material for some, in this article Michael Horton gives some helpful thoughts on some of the recent surge of teachings on masculinity that have been floating around the internet (and books, conferences, and sermons). (I realize there are also about 30 other trending articles on the issue, and clearly this is just one.)

“So enough with the beards (if it’s making a spiritual statement). Enough with the “federal husband” syndrome that goes beyond the legitimate spiritual leadership of the heads of households found in Scripture. Enough of the bravado that actually misunderstands—sometimes rather deeply—what real sanctification looks like in the lives of men as well as women. And why does every famous pastor today have to write a book about his marriage and family? Beyond Scripture, there is godly wisdom and Christian liberty. Biblical principles focus on what it means to live in Christ by his Word and Spirit, and even in those few passages that speak directly to men and women, there will be legitimate diversity in application.

My point is that the larger goal here shouldn’t be to trot out more gender stereotypes from our culture, whether feminist or neo-Victorian, but rather to rediscover the ministry that Christ has ordained for making disciples of all nations, all generations, and both genders. We need less niche marketing and more meat-and-potatoes service to the whole body of Christ. There, men and women, the young and the old and the middle aged, black, white, Latino, Asian, rich and poor hear God’s Word together, pray and sing God’s Word together, and are made one body by receiving Christ’s body and blood together: “one Lord, one faith, one baptism.” In that place, at least, there are no women’s Bible studies and men’s Bible studies, distracted youth groups and child-free golden oldies clubs, but brothers and sisters on pilgrimage to a better homeland than those that have been fashioned for us by this passing evil age.”

Slightly related, is this article, “Ultimate Fighting Jesus,” with these slightly humorous (my favorite is the next to last sentence) insights:

“So, what does it mean to be a Christian man?  If we’re not careful, we’ll end up just being dudes who are rude and crude.

We drink beer, eat red meat, smoke cigars, swear like Christian sailors, insult boy bands, watch Ultimate Fight Club, drive Hummers and four wheel trucks, be obsessed with Jack Bauer, hunt bears, etc.  I do all of these things – with the exception of hunting bears.  But are we reducing the definition of following Jesus to these external stereotypes?”

“The Frequent Fliers Who Flew Too Much” - The L.A. Times has an interesting piece on unlimited flying programs/vouchers that various airlines once offered, and how and why they are now reconsidering the terms of some of the remaining lifetime members. (I would love to have invested in one of these if I had had the financial means. Or you can just be as cool as my brother-in-law and work for Delta, though his job does keep him busy enough to keep him from making weekly overseas flights. :) )

“I can’t even remember when I cracked 10 million,” said Vroom, 67, a big, amiable Texan, who at last count had logged nearly four times as many. Rothstein, 61, has notched more than 30 million miles.

But all the miles they and 64 other unlimited AAirpass holders racked up went far beyond what American had expected. As its finances began deteriorating a few years ago, the carrier took a hard look at the AAirpass program.

“To Be Perfectly Honest” - A blogger writes on “the less-than-helpful nature of transparency for transparency’s sake” that is becoming quite popular in some Christian circles. Although I believe transparency is important and even crucial, I’ve all too often seen it misused as the basis for which to build relationships, rather than the outflow of a healthy, Christ-centered relationship. The author states this well, “Unity derives from love, not from spilling your guts in front of strangers.”

This is not a thorough look at this issue, but definitely one to get thoughts started. Liz also has a somewhat humorous, perhaps somewhat hyperbolic example of how such misused transparency might be played out  here.

(Just thought I’d clarify again–I’m for transparency ;) ; just not when it’s misused. It’s refreshing to see it properly used after being in environments where it was forbidden.)

“160 Uses for Coconut Oil” – 160 uses for coconut oil. We’ve been using it for maybe about 10% of the things on this list. (The list doesn’t necessarily give specifics for how to use them, but there are sites that can. I came across this article via Pinterest.)

 

Reading 2012: Spirit-Led Parenting

May 8, 2012 in 2012 Reading, books, child training, Faith, family, Home, ministry, parenting, pregnancy and birth, quotes, Resources with 7 Comments

In Spirit-Led Parenting: From Fear to Freedom in Baby’s First Year, Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer reflect on their early years of parenting, and how God moved them from fear to freedom during their first year of mothering. The book is divided into two parts, the first (chapters 1 through 3) focusing on their personal journey and their realization that many young mothers have also had a similar experience, and then part two (chapters 4 through 11) mostly focuses on examining specific areas in which many young mothers have been led to believe confusing and conflicting teachings.

I picked up this book because it was new and written specifically to a Christian audience (with specific encouragement to mothers who have already read and/or practiced confusing mainstream parenting advice). It’s a field in which I try to read broadly, though this one definitely captured my interest as my experience of concerns with some “infant management” teachings seemed slightly similar to the authors’s experience. Still, I was surprised at how refreshing and encouraging this book was to me as we prepare to care for and nurture an infant again, in what could be just a few days or weeks.

Contents: 

  • Chapter One: As We Began
  • Chapter Two: As We Confess Our Fears
  • Chapter Three: As We Pursue Another Way
  • Chapter Four: As We Feed Them
  • Chapter Five: As They Sleep
  • Chapter Six: As We Parent Together
  • Chapter Seven: As We Keep the Spark
  • Chapter Eight: As We Encourage Connection
  • Chapter Nine: As They Sleep … Where?
  • Chapter Ten: As We Stay On Track
  • Chapter Eleven: As We Have Found His Redemption

Why We Accept Fear-Based Living and Rules of Parenting Infants

(For highlighting this book, I think this post is less of a “review” and more of an introduction and exposure to the book. As such, I wanted to pull out several quotes from the book.)

“The stakes in parenting are high. Unlike other areas of life in which we can walk away if things don’t work out, in parenting this is it. You are the only parents your child gets and it is up to you not to mess it up. That is an incredible amount of pressure, and it weighs heavily on parents-to-be. Added to this is the fear of failing our spouses, our marriages, and our circles of friends by not sticking to the established norms for how things are done to build and maintain happy homes.

All of these worries boil down to one central concern: Fear of the unknown. If we could just know for sure what was headed our way in parenting and know for certain what the answers were to any potential problems, we would feel so much more prepared for the journey.” (35)

“Because our culture tends to avoid sharing life together in the intimacy that provides real-life responses to these universal fears, there are bookshelves full of advice from the experts. The authors of these manuals are quite certain they have found the answer to all your baby-raising needs, with some even going so far as to suggest that the approach they take is God’s way to parent an infant.”

“There is something to be said for the comfort mainstream parenting paradigm offers. In the face of fear, the natural response is to seek out a way to avoid what is causing us anxiety or to enact a plan that will help us overcome the fear.” (35)

“When you are peering into the great unknown of life with a baby, it can be quite comforting to know that someone will tell you what to do. We crave a solution, and we are given one.”

“Answers chase the fears away. Charts and schedules color in the unknown. A sturdy plan becomes the lifeline. Now we can do this. Now we can shake the fear.”

Only what if that doesn’t happen?”

“What if the realization that our days and nights and our babies’ behaviors look nothing like the ones we are reading about only sends us careening into deeper, darker tunnels of confusion–and the fears just intensify?” (37)

“The fear of failing these instructions climbs to painful intensity when we also carry the perception that we are failing God.”

“One-size-fits-all parenting advice already makes sweeping assumptions about the effectiveness and appropriateness of the methods for every child of every parent in every home. When such advice is penned or interpreted through a Christian perspective, it can create some of the strongest fear of all for those parents who do not, in fact, fit. Suddenly, everything is at risk: our children, our marriages, our reputations, and even our relationships with God. The implications of these risks can be truly terrifying.” (40)

“Some parenting manuals seem to actually rely on fear to convince the reader that their way is best. Fear can be a strong motivator, but it’s an exhausting burden to carry…Rather than feeling empowered to step off the beaten path to explore a new approach that might be better suited to our families, we found ourselves paralyzed, listening to voices which seemed to play on an endless loop in our minds, perpetually indicting all of our shortcomings.”

What we desperately needed was someone who would tell us that what we thought were our shortcomings weren’t really shortcomings at all, but rather symptoms that fear-sickness had overtaken our hearts and minds.” (41)

“We want consistent guidelines and cold hard facts. We want outlines and directions that are easy to read and follow. But Spirit-lead parenting doesn’t work like that. And the reason for this is yet another radical idea: the first year should be less about training our babies and more about God developing us as parents and human beings. If we let him, God can use that first intense year of baby’s life to train us how to live a life that is fully surrendered to Him, to cultivate in us a trust that follows His lead, seeks Him first, and understands His grace.

A Different Perspective

As we will share throughout this book, parenting under the direction of the Holy Spirit is not easy. It can and likely will squeeze every last drop of self out of us. If we yield to it, though, there is much potential for spiritual growth and for learning–in the most hands-on, real-life way possible–what it truly means to be a servant leader. It can be a year of transformation from which we emerge with a refined and sharpened perspective, equipped to experience other people, other relationships, and other situations through the eyes of a servant. It can be a year of discovering new and life-changing joy and a release from the captivity of guilt and shame.” (44)

“This philosophy of child rearing requires a shift away from the mindset of parenting with the goal of convenience.”

“Letting go of control in any area of life is difficult and prying ourselves from the grip of those messages insisting that we maintain control…or else (Your marriage! Your child’s future! The harmony in your home!), takes far more effort. The relative unknown of surrendering to God’s lead versus the allure of neatly-ordered plans for success creates a stressful dilemma as we question whether He will really come through and wonder if we really hear Him.” (45-46)

“So much of what is spoken to parents (in secular and Christian material) is about maintaining and reclaiming yourself after you have a child, but there are few suggestions that one worthy response to God entrusting you with this little one is dying to your devotion to yourself. And since God Himself directs us to do so, we aren’t turning ourselves over to our babies or to other people as much as we are turning ourselves over to the Lord, who (among other things) leads and commands us to be servants of others.

“If we were to look at our spouse, or at a neighbor that God has placed in our lives who has needs to be met, and say, “I’m sorry, what you need from me isn’t convenient at this time. You’ll have to learn to require those things at an appropriate time,” we would surely consider that attitude to be one from which we need to repent.

Why would we see our children, the most precious gifts that God has placed in our care, any differently? Perhaps parenting an infant is one of the purest examples of living out the gospel because it is truly a give, give, give relationship. It is a constant opportunity to allow God to refine us by laying down our own desires to care for the needs of another.” (53)

“Life with an infant, however, is no time for unnecessary heroics. In fact, it can be a powerful opportunity to learn how to accept the service of others as you serve the needs of your baby.” (75)

Other Excerpts

“One of the most beautiful aspects of a healthy marriage is the way it is always evolving, shifting to meet the needs of both spouses, allowing them to move forward with clasped hands and interwoven hearts. The months of parenting an infant together are ripe with opportunity to grow even closer to the person you have pledged your love and life to through the covenant of marriage.” (117)

“Our encouragement to you is to pray, pray, and pray some more. It would be so much easier (wouldn’t it?) if God had included a short but very specific book in the Bible with black-and-white instructions on all things parenting. But rather than burdening us with more law, He had to have known His gracious offer of freedom would woo us ever closer to Him.” (215)

Final Thoughts

The book is specifically addressed to Christian parents, with specific application to those who have been offered mainstream parenting advice (both, either/or secular and Christian materials). In the preface, Sally Clarkson (author of The Ministry of Motherhood and The Mission of Motherhood) writes, “if you are a new mom, or a veteran mom about to give birth again, you have opened the right book. You only get one chance to give your baby a wonderful first year of life. This book will set you free to enjoy that first year of motherhood with all the blessings, grace, and delight God intends you to experience. Naturally, that’s the way it should be.”

While the book is written specifically with a female audience in mind, there are portions of the book also addressed to husbands/fathers. The authors’ husbands also share how God used the early stages of parenting infants to draw them closer to their wives and to God.

Although I’d hoped to share more of my experience and how it correlated with this book, the time and space is limited here. Essentially, much of what I “bought into” was a result of my fear and my pride, in my case–more pride than fear. Though even initially I was somewhat of an outcast from the mainstream because I did a few things out of the ordinary, there were still elements which I followed religiously and offered to my fellow mothers as the be-all, end-all solution.  Through a couple of circumstances, I finally saw very clearly my own selfishness in my motivation and view of my child. (That’s not to say her first year was mostly rough–there are many wonderful memories, and she was a fairly “easy” infant. But I will never have that first year with just her back, and I regret some of the more harsh ways in which I treated her.)

Links to Think: 04.23.12

April 23, 2012 in Faith, Home, parenting, pregnancy and birth, quotes, reading, Resources with 2 Comments

 

Logical Fallacies Website Poster – This cool website lists 24 logical fallacies, with definitions and examples, in an infographic-like form. You could also use this to play “logical fallacy bingo” as you view logic-lacking statements and assertions on Facebook the internets. ;)

“If you see someone committing a logical fallacy, link them to the relevant fallacy to school them in thinky awesomeness and win the intellectual affections of those who happen across your comment by appearing clever and interesting e.g. yourlogicalfallacyis.com/strawman (rollover/click icons above).”

The injustice of gated communities - Think Christian has a thought-provoking article on the message that gated communities send. Interestingly, I encountered some of these similar questions and thoughts while reading Sundown Towns (and, even personally, just living in our current subdivision). (I tend to think this article perhaps goes beyond the foundational questions that we need to address, but it is nonetheless food for thought.)

“Of course, a responsible householder will take prudent steps to avoid being a victim of crime. But thinking Christianly, one must ask what are the costs – beyond expensive real estate – to be borne by someone living in a gated community?

I believe those costs are considerable. We are created for community, but gated communities are communities of the narrowest sort. They are designed to exclude: the poor, the homeless, the renter, the boulevardier, the itinerant worker – in short, anyone who’s not landed gentry. And incidentally, the very people that the Bible indicates God is most concerned about.”

Piper, Ryken, Reynolds, and Nielson Commend the Classics – The Gospel Coalition Blog interviews four Evangelical leaders on the value of reading classics (both secular and Christian) and how specific classics have shaped them. (I kind of wish they’d have interviewed Tim Keller, too, but the responses here are quite helpful.)

Postpartum Rest and Recovery Tips (From a Mama Who Learned the Hard Way) - In a culture of industry and busyness, resting postpartum isn’t always viewed as the “amazing mom” thing to do. As I prepare for our upcoming birth and recovery, this is something on my mind. I’m not sure I qualify as a Type A (this article is specifically addressed to a Type A new mom), but have definitely leaned more that way that I was 5 or 10 years ago. (Maybe I’ll write more about postpartum planning later, but this is a helpful article for at least getting some thoughts out there.)

“Sure, it’s not very exciting and certainly not very “productive” by Type A personality standards, but it sets you up for a quicker recovery, and is, in the long run, really worth it. Lack of sleep and rest are your worst enemies after giving birth. Invest those first few weeks in concentrated rest.”

Reading 2012: Decision Points

April 19, 2012 in 2012 Reading, biographies, books, Faith, reading, reflections, Resources with 1 Comment

Unlike most presidential memoirs, President George W. Bush’s biographical account of his White House years doesn’t follow a chronological timeline. Instead, he centers Decision Points around key decisions that he had to make in his personal life and during his presidency.

He makes clear that in retrospect, he doesn’t believe all his decisions were the best, but were what he believed to be the best at the time. He focuses his writing on 14 main decisions (though there are many additional decisions discussed under these main decision divisions), each given a chapter:

  • 1. Quitting
  • 2. Running
  • 3. Personnel
  • 4. Stem Cells
  • 5. Day of Fire
  • 6. War Footing
  • 7. Afghanistan
  • 8. Iraq
  • 9. Leading
  • 10. Katrina
  • 11. Lazarus Effect
  • 12. Surge
  • 13. Freedom Agenda
  • 14. Financial Crisis

As long as the reader can keep in mind that this is not a chronological account, each chapter does a good job filling out the aspects surrounding each “decision point.” (Though, at some points following the chronology can be confusing.) It is clear that President Bush was passionate about the decisions that he  chose to outline in this book.

For some of his decisions, his detailed explanations helped me better understand (though, perhaps still not agree with) his positions and decisions (e.g., occupation in Afghanistan), while others actually made me have more concern over why he made such decision (e.g., some of his implementation into the education system).

President Bush also offered the helpful reminder that we do not yet have the perspective of history that allows us to more objectively look at what was accomplished during a presidency. While he was concerned that readers and citizens take this into consideration while forming opinions on his performance as president, he also asked that the world make the same considerations when making observations about other recent presidencies.

Reading the book was a helpful reminder that the man occupying the White House is a person, both capable of making mistakes and also capable of feeling the hurt and weight of the harsh criticisms often hurled from all directions. And even then, not every government action or decision is not a direct result of the President’s thinking or opinion. America’s government is not run as a tyrannical monarchy, however easy and enjoyable it may be to create memes that depict such.

I enjoyed hearing about Bush’s seemingly “normal” years growing up, as well as his strong family relationships. He also places great emphasis on his religious influence, which is definitely depicted in the book as a very typical, American, Protestant, Evangelical faith for him. Reading about 9-11 from President Bush’s experience was a very moving part of the book.

I don’t believe that to be a good American Christian you must always be a die-hard, conservative Republican. Although I grew up in such a background and am thus more familiar with many of Bush’s talking points, I believe it is important for American citizens to read and understand more about our leaders, regardless of our specific political affiliations or passions. Clearly, the book is written as an autobiography and the author was able to choose what elements and themes to highlight. I enjoyed the book and am thankful for the years this man served our country.

“Gethsemane:” To See the King of Heaven Fall

April 8, 2012 in Faith, hymns with 0 Comments

God has gifted Keith and Kristyn Getty to be able to write many new hymns for worship, and many of those songs have great relevance to the Easter-time sorrow, celebration, and meditation.

I had not heard this song until this week, and it was powerful in drawing my heart and mind to think about the incarnation of Jesus–Jesus, both God and man, His love for His fallen creation. Today, of course, we celebrate His resurrection. And yet, I know that I also need to think deeply on what happened in Gethsemane, what happened on the cross. And today, we rejoice and celebrate what happened so that we can proclaim, “Christ is Risen from the Dead!”

Lyrics

To see the King of heaven fall
In anguish to His knees,
The Light and Hope of all the world
Now overwhelmed with grief.
What nameless horrors must He see,
To cry out in the garden:
Oh, take this cup away from me
Yet not my will but Yours,
Yet not my will but Yours.

To know each friend will fall away,
And heaven’s voice be still,
For hell to have its vengeful day
Upon Golgotha’s hill.
No words describe the Saviour’s plight -
To be by God forsaken Till wrath and love are satisfied
And every sin is paid
And every sin is paid

What took Him to this wretched place,
What kept Him on this road?
His love for Adam’s cursed race,
For every broken soul.
No sin too slight to overlook,
No crime too great to carry,
All mingled in this poisoned cup ‚
And yet He drank it all,
The Saviour drank it all,
The Saviour drank it all.

Keith Getty shares more about the song here.

O Great God!

March 30, 2012 in Faith, grace, hymns, quotes with 4 Comments

Thankful to think on these words this week:

O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore

I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voice
Did not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace

Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on Your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
O great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name through me.

(words and music by Bob Kauflin)

Reading 2012: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and A Wrinkle in Time

January 31, 2012 in 2012 Reading, books, Faith with 0 Comments

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. This collection of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic Sherlock Holmes stories includes twelve cases in which Holmes masterfully pieces together a solution to each mystery. Access to Google and constant video-surveillance might put Sherlock Holmes out of a job theses days, but wit, suspense, and wisdom are wrapped in quintessential 19th century British packaging that make these stories a delightful read. The twelves stories included here are:

Continue Reading…

On Which Parenting Hangs

January 25, 2012 in Faith, Home, parenting, photography, reflections with 15 Comments

“When something is amiss, it is only natural to become preoccupied with “what to do.” For today’s parents, this has become an obsession. We are looking for the right technique, the right strategy, the right thing to say, the right way to act. Experts and publishers are not only indulging this obsession, but fueling it outright. We have even invented a word — parenting — that until recent times, was not even in the dictionary. Parenting has become an activity. This was not how it was in previous generations.”

-Dr. Gordon Neufeld

It seems that Christian parenting isn’t much different. But our labels are better–we have “Christian” obsessions. Tack on Bible verses here and there, and maybe a label to prove that this book is at long last the book that describes “How to Change Diapers God’s Way.” Or perhaps it’s slightly more spiritualized, presuming to speak for God, “How to Retain the Heart of Your Teen in Three Easy Steps.” Ultimately, these types of teachings serve to bind consciences into thinking that such formulas (or zeal) will save our children’s souls, rather than serving to encourage parents to trust God in this journey of faith.

Overall, we focus so much on getting the formulas right, the activity of parenting correct, or learning the perfect techniques that we fail to realize the essential foundation: love.

Continue Reading…

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