Archive - child training RSS Feed

Reading 2013: Two Thousand Kisses a Day {And a Giveaway x2!}

March 15, 2013 in 2013 Reading, child training, giveaway, grace, parenting with 10 Comments

twothousandkisses

Two Thousand Kisses a Day: Gentle Parenting through the Ages & Stages is written by L.R. Knost, a woman who is herself a veteran mother (and now grandmother), while also still having her heart and hands engaged over many of the ages and stages of parenting. Her six living children range in age from twenty-five months to twenty-five years.

Knost’s book explores the basic framework of gentle parenting and how it is played out from infancy through adulthood. This book is a helpful read for parents at any stage in parenting (and covers each individual stage), but I think it will be particularly encouraging for those who are in the earliest phases of parenting. Continue Reading…

Reading 2012: Spiritual Parenting

July 26, 2012 in 2012 Reading, child training, parenting with 1 Comment

In Spiritual Parenting: An Awakening for Today’s Families, Michelle Anthony challenges parents to make time and careful effort to be discipling their children, and to use the home as the primary environment of discipleship. Her tone is warm and gracious, and as a reader, I felt as if she was giving me a picture of what spiritual parenting looked like in the way that she interacts as an author to her readers. Continue Reading…

Links to Think: 07.23.12

July 23, 2012 in child training, Life, parenting with 2 Comments

Extrovert or Introvert: You and Your Child – Hearkening again to the extrovert/introvert theme, this article takes a look different temperaments. While it is dealing specifically with guiding our children with an understanding of their and our particular temperaments, I believe this well-written article is valuable even for those who aren’t dealing with children in their interactions with other people.

“For parents, knowing about a child’s temperament can be very helpful in understanding what kinds of activities and situations can best bring out natural talents and preferences, as well as what kinds of situations are difficult and sometimes draining. Armed with this information, a parent can better understand why a child acts in particular ways as well as guide her towards successful pursuits. It is also helpful for parents to understand their own temperament characteristics and to see how these fit in with or clash with their child’s.”

(Extroverts)

“Everyone is capable of being both extroverted and introverted, and in many cases the way we act is dictated by the situation we’re in and what kind of presentation is called for. For example, if you have a job that requires a lot meetings, interaction with many people, and perhaps participation in group projects, you will take on a somewhat extroverted approach as that is what is required in those situations. At the same time, you may have a preference for introversion. The point is that we all have a preference for one or the other that becomes apparent when we consider where we tend to draw our energy from, or said another way, how we are energized. The extrovert draws energy from or is energized by other people. They thrive in situations where there is a lot of interaction, activity, and stimulation. As such, extroverts are usually quite social and gregarious and have an innate ability to talk to new people. They are comfortable in groups, quick to approach others including strangers, and enjoy working in busy stimulating environments. Conversely, they can feel quite lonely and drained if they have to spend a lot of time alone.”

(Introverts)

“Unlike extroverts, introverts can become drained by too much interaction. They draw their energy from the inner world of thoughts, emotions, and ideas. They tend to be more contemplative and are likely to pursue solitary activities that allow them to work quietly and alone. If they do attend social functions or participate in group activities, they will need time alone to recharge themselves after leaving the group. They tend to leave parties early whereas the extrovert will stay until everyone else has gone home.”

(Parent/Child Temperament Differences)

“In thinking about which category your child falls into, you have undoubtedly considered your own temperament type as you’ve read through this article. This is important, not only in helping you to crystallize and confirm what you may already know about yourself, but also to help you understand differences or likenesses you and your child may have. If you are an introverted parent with an extroverted child, you most likely can feel drained by his constant need for your participation in activities down to the simplest thing as going through a new book. Conversely, if you an extroverted parent with an introverted child, you may be puzzled by her seeming need to be alone for periods of time, or her irritation when you are talking too long or engaging her in a lot of activities outside the home. What you can learn from either situation is to alter your strategies for dealing with certain kinds of behavior. Your new understanding of how your child draws in energy can aid you in setting up the best environments and activities for your particular child, as well as help you make some room in your schedule to attend to your own needs.

One cautionary word is not to assign all types of behavior and tendencies to simplified temperament categories. It is important to keep the big picture in mind when dealing with personalities and styles of activity. Along with temperament, other factors such as developmental age, home environments, stress, and family relationships all play a role in forming your child’s behavioral style. Our hope here is to bring to your attention the possible role temperament can play so that you can make use of this information to aid you in furthering your child’s successes.”

Pregnant Woman Nurses Abandoned Infant to Save Her Life - Interesting news story of a woman who was able to play the role of Good Samaritan and save a baby’s life in a very special way.

“Yet despite their fear, the couple approached the little bundle lying in the street. When they reached it, they found a very small newborn girl. Her head was still bloody and the umbilical cord looked as though it had just recently been cut. Maria, a social worker by profession, believes that the little girl had to be only about a day old.”

“Maria’s husband Kent brought some cold water and tried to cool the baby down that way, but she still wasn’t responding. Suddenly, Maria had an idea. At 31 weeks pregnant, she was already lactating. After asking the cab driver if she could nurse the infant (due to cultural rules against nursing in public), Maria attempted to nurse the little girl.”

“The little girl will be adopted out and has been named Ceren. Maria has been able to talk to the authorities about little Ceren’s progress and has been told that she can come by and visit at any time.”

 

 

Reading 2012: Spirit-Led Parenting

May 8, 2012 in 2012 Reading, books, child training, Faith, family, Home, ministry, parenting, pregnancy and birth, quotes, Resources with 7 Comments

In Spirit-Led Parenting: From Fear to Freedom in Baby’s First Year, Megan Tietz and Laura Oyer reflect on their early years of parenting, and how God moved them from fear to freedom during their first year of mothering. The book is divided into two parts, the first (chapters 1 through 3) focusing on their personal journey and their realization that many young mothers have also had a similar experience, and then part two (chapters 4 through 11) mostly focuses on examining specific areas in which many young mothers have been led to believe confusing and conflicting teachings.

I picked up this book because it was new and written specifically to a Christian audience (with specific encouragement to mothers who have already read and/or practiced confusing mainstream parenting advice). It’s a field in which I try to read broadly, though this one definitely captured my interest as my experience of concerns with some “infant management” teachings seemed slightly similar to the authors’s experience. Still, I was surprised at how refreshing and encouraging this book was to me as we prepare to care for and nurture an infant again, in what could be just a few days or weeks.

Contents: 

  • Chapter One: As We Began
  • Chapter Two: As We Confess Our Fears
  • Chapter Three: As We Pursue Another Way
  • Chapter Four: As We Feed Them
  • Chapter Five: As They Sleep
  • Chapter Six: As We Parent Together
  • Chapter Seven: As We Keep the Spark
  • Chapter Eight: As We Encourage Connection
  • Chapter Nine: As They Sleep … Where?
  • Chapter Ten: As We Stay On Track
  • Chapter Eleven: As We Have Found His Redemption

Why We Accept Fear-Based Living and Rules of Parenting Infants

(For highlighting this book, I think this post is less of a “review” and more of an introduction and exposure to the book. As such, I wanted to pull out several quotes from the book.)

“The stakes in parenting are high. Unlike other areas of life in which we can walk away if things don’t work out, in parenting this is it. You are the only parents your child gets and it is up to you not to mess it up. That is an incredible amount of pressure, and it weighs heavily on parents-to-be. Added to this is the fear of failing our spouses, our marriages, and our circles of friends by not sticking to the established norms for how things are done to build and maintain happy homes.

All of these worries boil down to one central concern: Fear of the unknown. If we could just know for sure what was headed our way in parenting and know for certain what the answers were to any potential problems, we would feel so much more prepared for the journey.” (35)

“Because our culture tends to avoid sharing life together in the intimacy that provides real-life responses to these universal fears, there are bookshelves full of advice from the experts. The authors of these manuals are quite certain they have found the answer to all your baby-raising needs, with some even going so far as to suggest that the approach they take is God’s way to parent an infant.”

“There is something to be said for the comfort mainstream parenting paradigm offers. In the face of fear, the natural response is to seek out a way to avoid what is causing us anxiety or to enact a plan that will help us overcome the fear.” (35)

“When you are peering into the great unknown of life with a baby, it can be quite comforting to know that someone will tell you what to do. We crave a solution, and we are given one.”

“Answers chase the fears away. Charts and schedules color in the unknown. A sturdy plan becomes the lifeline. Now we can do this. Now we can shake the fear.”

Only what if that doesn’t happen?”

“What if the realization that our days and nights and our babies’ behaviors look nothing like the ones we are reading about only sends us careening into deeper, darker tunnels of confusion–and the fears just intensify?” (37)

“The fear of failing these instructions climbs to painful intensity when we also carry the perception that we are failing God.”

“One-size-fits-all parenting advice already makes sweeping assumptions about the effectiveness and appropriateness of the methods for every child of every parent in every home. When such advice is penned or interpreted through a Christian perspective, it can create some of the strongest fear of all for those parents who do not, in fact, fit. Suddenly, everything is at risk: our children, our marriages, our reputations, and even our relationships with God. The implications of these risks can be truly terrifying.” (40)

“Some parenting manuals seem to actually rely on fear to convince the reader that their way is best. Fear can be a strong motivator, but it’s an exhausting burden to carry…Rather than feeling empowered to step off the beaten path to explore a new approach that might be better suited to our families, we found ourselves paralyzed, listening to voices which seemed to play on an endless loop in our minds, perpetually indicting all of our shortcomings.”

What we desperately needed was someone who would tell us that what we thought were our shortcomings weren’t really shortcomings at all, but rather symptoms that fear-sickness had overtaken our hearts and minds.” (41)

“We want consistent guidelines and cold hard facts. We want outlines and directions that are easy to read and follow. But Spirit-lead parenting doesn’t work like that. And the reason for this is yet another radical idea: the first year should be less about training our babies and more about God developing us as parents and human beings. If we let him, God can use that first intense year of baby’s life to train us how to live a life that is fully surrendered to Him, to cultivate in us a trust that follows His lead, seeks Him first, and understands His grace.

A Different Perspective

As we will share throughout this book, parenting under the direction of the Holy Spirit is not easy. It can and likely will squeeze every last drop of self out of us. If we yield to it, though, there is much potential for spiritual growth and for learning–in the most hands-on, real-life way possible–what it truly means to be a servant leader. It can be a year of transformation from which we emerge with a refined and sharpened perspective, equipped to experience other people, other relationships, and other situations through the eyes of a servant. It can be a year of discovering new and life-changing joy and a release from the captivity of guilt and shame.” (44)

“This philosophy of child rearing requires a shift away from the mindset of parenting with the goal of convenience.”

“Letting go of control in any area of life is difficult and prying ourselves from the grip of those messages insisting that we maintain control…or else (Your marriage! Your child’s future! The harmony in your home!), takes far more effort. The relative unknown of surrendering to God’s lead versus the allure of neatly-ordered plans for success creates a stressful dilemma as we question whether He will really come through and wonder if we really hear Him.” (45-46)

“So much of what is spoken to parents (in secular and Christian material) is about maintaining and reclaiming yourself after you have a child, but there are few suggestions that one worthy response to God entrusting you with this little one is dying to your devotion to yourself. And since God Himself directs us to do so, we aren’t turning ourselves over to our babies or to other people as much as we are turning ourselves over to the Lord, who (among other things) leads and commands us to be servants of others.

“If we were to look at our spouse, or at a neighbor that God has placed in our lives who has needs to be met, and say, “I’m sorry, what you need from me isn’t convenient at this time. You’ll have to learn to require those things at an appropriate time,” we would surely consider that attitude to be one from which we need to repent.

Why would we see our children, the most precious gifts that God has placed in our care, any differently? Perhaps parenting an infant is one of the purest examples of living out the gospel because it is truly a give, give, give relationship. It is a constant opportunity to allow God to refine us by laying down our own desires to care for the needs of another.” (53)

“Life with an infant, however, is no time for unnecessary heroics. In fact, it can be a powerful opportunity to learn how to accept the service of others as you serve the needs of your baby.” (75)

Other Excerpts

“One of the most beautiful aspects of a healthy marriage is the way it is always evolving, shifting to meet the needs of both spouses, allowing them to move forward with clasped hands and interwoven hearts. The months of parenting an infant together are ripe with opportunity to grow even closer to the person you have pledged your love and life to through the covenant of marriage.” (117)

“Our encouragement to you is to pray, pray, and pray some more. It would be so much easier (wouldn’t it?) if God had included a short but very specific book in the Bible with black-and-white instructions on all things parenting. But rather than burdening us with more law, He had to have known His gracious offer of freedom would woo us ever closer to Him.” (215)

Final Thoughts

The book is specifically addressed to Christian parents, with specific application to those who have been offered mainstream parenting advice (both, either/or secular and Christian materials). In the preface, Sally Clarkson (author of The Ministry of Motherhood and The Mission of Motherhood) writes, “if you are a new mom, or a veteran mom about to give birth again, you have opened the right book. You only get one chance to give your baby a wonderful first year of life. This book will set you free to enjoy that first year of motherhood with all the blessings, grace, and delight God intends you to experience. Naturally, that’s the way it should be.”

While the book is written specifically with a female audience in mind, there are portions of the book also addressed to husbands/fathers. The authors’ husbands also share how God used the early stages of parenting infants to draw them closer to their wives and to God.

Although I’d hoped to share more of my experience and how it correlated with this book, the time and space is limited here. Essentially, much of what I “bought into” was a result of my fear and my pride, in my case–more pride than fear. Though even initially I was somewhat of an outcast from the mainstream because I did a few things out of the ordinary, there were still elements which I followed religiously and offered to my fellow mothers as the be-all, end-all solution.  Through a couple of circumstances, I finally saw very clearly my own selfishness in my motivation and view of my child. (That’s not to say her first year was mostly rough–there are many wonderful memories, and she was a fairly “easy” infant. But I will never have that first year with just her back, and I regret some of the more harsh ways in which I treated her.)

Links to Think: 04.16.12

April 16, 2012 in child training, human rights, links, parenting, pregnancy and birth, quotes, Resources with 0 Comments

Rethinking Tattling - A thoughtful article on working to communicate with our children when they “tattle,” rather than simply viewing their attempts to communicate as an annoyance.

“Few other things irritate adults as quickly at a tattle-tale. The kneejerk response is often “Stop tattling” or “Handle it yourself’ or even to punish the little tattler. But what is being communicated? What is a child actually trying to say when they tattle, and what is a child actually hearing by our response?

Tattling is, in effect, a child seeking wise counsel for a situation they don’t know how to handle. When faced with a conflict that just weeks or months earlier would have resulted in tears or snatching or hitting or some combination of all three, a child who has matured and begun to develop some self-control is learning to stop and think instead of just react. But what do they do if no solution presents itself? What if they’ve tried to reason or negotiate with the object of their conflict and been unable to come to a resolution?”

“When a child approaches a trusted adult with a problem, the child is saying, “This is important. Hear me. Help me.” This is a wonderful opportunity to guide the child through the process of conflict resolution. So often we relegate life skills such as conflict resolution to textbooks and worksheets, if we address them at all. But learning is far more powerful and effective if it is tied to real-life, real-time issues that are important to us, that impact our lives, that matter.”

Afghanistan sees rise in ‘dancing boys’ exploitation - Readers of The Kite Runner will be somewhat familiar with this aspect of Afghan culture (as portrayed through Hassan’s orphaned and abused son, Sohrab). This is a sad plight for a growing number of boys in Afghanistan that will hopefully gain greater exposure and push for an end to this practice.

““You cannot take wives everywhere with you,” he said, referring to the gender segregation in social settings that is traditional in Afghanistan. “You cannot take a wife with you to a party, but a boy you can take anywhere.””

“Although the practice is thought to be more widespread in conservative rural areas, it has become common in Kabul. Mohammed Fahim, a videographer who films the lavish weddings in the capital, estimated that one in every five weddings he attends in Kabul features dancing boys.”

The hot names of 2012, revealed - I always find baby naming trends to be a fascinating study (though this one isn’t a particularly scientific analysis), and with our own baby’s arrival expected next month, I found this interesting.

“Baby names 2012 are already proving to be very different from last year’s choices, with The Hunger Games taking over from Twilight as the primary cultural influence on names, the hottest boys’ names taking a cue from the girls, and musical names trumping Hollywood for inspiration.”

Your Children Want You! - Since the majority of these links seem to be in connection with parenting/mothering, I might as well link to an article that seemed to be going viral last week, in case anyone missed it. (Of course, this is a great reminder for dads, too, though they might not find themselves feeling badly that they haven’t made flower-shaped soap. :) )

“There’s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?

Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.

If you ever find yourself looking in the mirror at a woman who feels badly that she hasn’t yet made flower-shaped soap, please offer her this helpful reminder: “Your children want you!”

Related: Johanna offers some helpful, related insite on her post, “Jealous? Overwhelmed? Or Inspired?“

Reading 2012: Simplicity Parenting

April 3, 2012 in 2012 Reading, baby, child training, family, family time, grace, Home, Life, parenting, reading, Resources with 23 Comments

Having worked with children from war-torn regions of Asia who were dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Kim John Payne was surprised to see many of the same external markers and symptoms in children of fast-paced, Western cultures.

In Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids, authors Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross look at how the ever growing push for too much, too fast, too soon is ultimately working to cripple today’s children, rather than give them the “step ahead” that many of today’s frenetic, busy parents hope for.

Overview

The authors break the book up into six main chapters:

  • One: Why Simplify?
  • Two: Soul Fever
  • Three: Environment
  • Four: Rhythm
  • Five: Schedules
  • Six: Filtering Out the Adult World
In Chapter One, the authors look at a definition of simplicity. In Chapter Two, they show how living at a frenetic pace and one lacking consistency can result in what they define as “soul fever” in our children. Much like we would rearrange our schedules and change our treatment of a child who is clearly sick, we need to recognize some of the signs and symptoms of a little life suffering from a life lived constantly at full-throttle.
.
Chapter Three gives helpful insight into how a cluttered, stressful environment can help or hinder our children’s development, looking at both physical and emotional environments. The authors cover what items are important to keep and what is likely just adding to the growing mountain of toys and books. Chapter Four and Five are very helpful in looking at the rhythms and schedules of daily life and how that affects children. From the title, some may think that the authors are asking parents to remove their children from any stress or difficult situation; nothing could be further from the truth. Here, these helpful chapters discuss how the consistency of normal and daily family rhythms help children learn (especially in the midst of normal stress) that home is a safe place to come to, that even in the midst of difficult times they are reassured that some parts of life will continue to operate and flow.
.
Chapter Six covers many of the ways in which parents knowingly or unknowingly attempt to push their children to see all the adult struggles and trials of life before they are ready. The authors recommend that parents be discerning in what they share with their children, be it through television, adult conversations, or books with too much violence or emotional struggle. They see the importance of emotional intelligence and the need for children to develop such intelligence at a healthy pace.
.
The authors look at both cluttered spaces and cluttered schedules in a variety of areas and show how too much can overwhelm children (and adults), and then give practical wisdom on how to cut back on the excess in our lives. The book also looks at how too many choices can actually make it harder to make the best decisions (especially in childhood, when this skill has not had time to naturally develop), and how fewer  choices generally leave us more confident, satisfied with the choices we make, and tend to keep us from wanting more, more, more.
.
My Considerations
By far, this book is now one of my top picks for books on parenting. While there were a few things in which I’d take a different stance or approach, overall I thoroughly enjoyed and agreed with the vast majority of the book. It is one I’d recommend to anyone raising a child in a Western culture. This is definitely a book we will return to again as we flow from season to season and the rhythms of our family change.
.
The book aspect was affirming in many of the choices our family is already making and the direction we’ve begun to head of the past few years. Simultaneously, it was also challenging and helpful to consider areas in which we may be overwhelming ourselves and our children and has given us a good number of practical tools by which to measure the flow of too much, too fast, too soon.
.
Examples
I realized over the past year or so that our girls had far too many choices in toys and then clothes, but this helped me see how even books can become cluttered and overwhelming (or anything we think “they can never have too much of that good thing”). I was also helped to see some advice in simplifying menu plans. We also try to involve our girls in some of the household work, but this encouraged me to let our girls take a more active role. One area that we’ve worked on more since reading the book is having our girls be more involved with meal prep, setting the table, and cleaning up afterwards. I was rather taken aback with how much it helped the transition to mealtime because they felt ownership and involvement in this area.
.
While not written for or from a Christian perspective, I was certainly drawn to many familiar Biblical principles behind much of what this book was promoting. In a culture of affluence, I think it’s very easy to see we have a problem. The book was helpful in seeing some of the long-term effects of such affluence, both on us as parents, and as children. It’s also easy to allow workaholism to wear the mask of “good Christian work ethic,” and to forget the discipline of rest — an area in which it is easy to think that God’s fame and success depend on us, rather than specifically making effort to rest — showing both our trust in God and a recognition of our human frailty. Additionally, this is a reminder that as parents, we can use our parental power/authority to empower our children to make their own wise choices and actions, and this book has many helpful insights as how to do so appropriately within a culture that pushes the opposite.

The book is rich, and there is far too much to share here without making this review seem overwhelming and lacking simplicity. It is highly likely that this take on simplicity will flow into many other realms of my life as well, and into aspects I may share on simplifying our home.

Related:

Reading 2012: The Ministry of Motherhood

March 6, 2012 in 2012 Reading, child training, parenting, quotes, Resources with 2 Comments

In The Ministry of Motherhood: Following Christ’s Example in Reaching the Hearts of Our Children, Sally Clarkson looks at Jesus’ pattern of teaching and training of the disciples and makes application to the discipling of our children through the ministry of motherhood. Continue Reading…

Reading 2012: Families Where Grace Is in Place

February 29, 2012 in 2012 Reading, child training, Christian Growth, family, grace, Life, quotes, reading, Resources with 1 Comment

In Jeff VanVonderen’s Families Where Grace Is in Place: Building a Home Free of Manipulation, Legalism, and Shame, the author describes family relationships as either Curse-Full relationships or Grace-Full relationships. In his description of curse-full relationships, such relationships are focused on control, external appearances, and getting needs met in a person. Grace-full relationships, on the other hand, are focused on finding identity in Christ, on true spiritual growth regardless of appearances, growing in grace, and loving others.

Part marriage book, part parenting book, Families Where Grace Is in Place is a helpful book for any family who sees the dangers of manipulation, legalism, and shame within familial relationships. VanVonderen divides his book into three main parts, making up fourteen chapters:

Part I: Families Where Grace Is Not in Place
Introduction
1. Our Detour from God’s Plan
2. Curse-Full Relationships
3. Living Under the Curse
4. When a Marriage Doesn’t Work
5. Trying to Escape the Curse
6. Recycling the Curse

Continue Reading…

Reading 2012: Parenting Is Your Highest Calling

February 29, 2012 in 2012 Reading, child training, Christian Growth, parenting, quotes, reading, Resources with 2 Comments

In Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: And Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt, Leslie Leyland Fields addresses nine myths that are common in Christian parenting teachings, books, and ideologies. As a sort of “Lies Parents Believe,” the nine myths that Fields addresses are as follows:

Myth 1: Having Children Makes You Happy and Fulfilled: Discovering God’s Real Purpose in Giving Us Children

Myth 2: Nurturing Your Children Is Natural and Instinctive: Why Biblical Love Is So Difficult to Live Out

Myth 3: Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: How Pursuing God First Frees Us to Love Our Children More

Myth 4: Good Parenting Leads to Happy Children: Exchanging Shallow Hopes for God’s Deeper Purposes

Myth 5: If You Find Parenting Difficult, You Must Not Be Following the Right Plan: Learning to Rely on God Rather Than Formulas

Myth 6: You Represent Jesus to Your Children: How We Trap Ourselves in a Role We Weren’t Meant to Play

Myth 7: You Will Always Feel Unconditional Love for Your Children: How Our False Ideas of Love Burden Us with Guilt

Myth 8: Successful Parents Produce Godly Children: The Danger of Making Too Much of Ourselves and Too Little of God

Myth 9: God Approves of Only One Family Design: Why God Is Not Limited by Imperfect Families. 

Continue Reading…

Works Righteousness and Parenting

May 22, 2011 in 2011 Reading, child training, parenting, quotes, reading with 6 Comments

“Works righteousness is a deadly and false variation of godly obedience. Godly obedience is motivated by love for God and trust in his gracious plan and power. Works righteousness is motivated by unbelief; it is a reliance on our abilities and a desire to control outcomes. Works righteousness eventuates in penance: I’ll make it up to you by redoubling my efforts tomorrow! rather than repentance: Lord forgive me for my sin today. Thank you that you love me in spite of all my failures. In parenting, works righteousness will cause us to be both fearful and demanding. When we see our failures, we will be overcome with fear: I really blew it with my kids today. I’m so afraid that I’m going to ruin them! When we see their failures, we’ll be overly demanding: I’ve already told you what I want you to do. Didn’t you hear me? I must have told you fifty times in the last five minutes. I’m sick to death of your terrible attitude. You need to listen to me and do what I say without any complaints or grunts or eye rolls. Just do it! It’s obvious how both responses feed off each other in a never-ending cycle of anger and despair and penance.

Works righteousness obliterates the sweet comforts of grace because it cuts us off from God, who alone is the giver of grace. It cuts us off because he absolutely insists on being our sole Savior.  [Rather than saying it "cuts us off from God" I'm more comfortable with describing this phenomenon as, "we refuse God's grace;" for God, as both giver and taker of grace can trump even our works righteousness and self-righteous hearts.] This is his claim: “I, I am the LORD, and besides me there is no savior” (Isa. 43:11; see also 45:21). We are not nor can we be the saviors of our children. He is the Savior. When we forget this, our parenting will be pockmarked by fear, severity, and exhaustion.

On the other hand, when we rest in his gracious work we will experience the comforts he has provided for us. He delights in being worshiped as the One who “richly provides us with everything to enjoy” (1 Tim. 6:17). He loves flooding our consciences with the peace that comes from knowing our sins are forgiven and our standing before him is completely secure. When we’re quietly resting in grace, we’ll have grace to give to our children, too. When we’re freed from the ultimate responsibility of being their savior, we’ll find our parenting burden becoming easy and light.”

~Elyse Fitzpatrick, Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus (page 55)

Page 1 of 212»