Links to Think parenting

Links to Think: 05.05.14

May 5, 2014




Stop telling me our relationship with our teens should suck – This is great food for thought, and can apply to parenting through any season. Anyone who is a parent should read and think on these words. (Heads up on mildly colorful language for some.)

“The gratitude that I feel that she and our 13 year old cherish our relationship and are willing to be uncool to preserve it is overwhelming.  Our teens are amazing people, I admire them and am blown away by how kind, compassionate, vulnerable, and insightful they are.  Thankfully, our teens aren’t the only ones that have decided it’s ok to not be cool and go ahead and like their parents, other families are finding that building a relationship with their teens based on love and respect actually works.  We’re encouraged by those families to reject the stereotypical attitude about parenting teens.

Because when it comes to the prevailing advice and mentality about parenting teens I’m just tired of it. The memes, the advice, the Facebook brags about how their kid hates them so they know they must be doing something right, the articles pointing out how it isn’t important if your kids like you just teach them what they need to know about real life and don’t expect them to want to be with you, give up hope of them talking and opening up to you, and don’t dare think they will respect you unless you make them by showing them who’s boss. I’m sick of it.

“If your teen hates you, you’re doing it right.”

Congrats I guess, if this is what you aspire to in parenting but I call bull.

“It’s not your job to be their friend, it’s your job to be their parent.”

This is mutually exclusive because…?

“They may hate you now but they’ll be thanking you later.”

And you wonder why they have a lack of respect?

“It’s better they fight you now than go to jail later.”

Obviously it has to be one or the other, fight now or go to jail later.  I don’t think so.

“Oh, you think it’s hard now, just wait until you have teenagers.”

Well if they are anything like you…

Please, STOP telling me our relationship with our teens should suck.

And while I’m at it, shaming your kids is NOT great parenting.  It’s not even human decency.  How awesome… [jerkish] parenting going viral on the internet and those are the people getting the parenting praise.  Shooting your kid’s computer, forcing them to hold a humiliating sign in public, or smearing their reputation on social media is not admirable, against an adult it would be considered assault and slander.  Grow up, be the parent, model something decent.”

“Is it possible that in stigmatizing teens as being difficult we are creating our own struggle?  Could we as adults, be internalizing the inner conflict of the teens around us and making it about us when it is actually just their own struggle?  Instead of taking it personally, could we simply empathize with respect and be a safe place for them to test the adult skills they need to develop?  Is it possible that we’re talking at them when we should be listening to them?”

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Is Not Just for Veterans – This is a good reminder to read as we “love our neighbors” and live out one-anothering love. I have so many friends and family members who have gone through difficult situations that result in PTSD (and have faced it myself following some traumatic happenings). One of the most hurtful ways to react to such an individual is to mock their plea for help and say that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is only for those who have been to war. Please, if you are not familiar with PTSD apart from for linking it to war tragedy or even dismissing it altogether, read this.

“Perhaps you were in what seemed like a minor car accident, but you can’t quite get over how the distracted driver slammed into the back of your car as you waited for the light to turn green, for example. Maybe now, you experience panic attacks when faced with a similar driving situation, and you don’t know how to get over it. If you find yourself experiencing symptoms of anxiety, hyper-vigilance, depression and/or fear after a traumatic experience, you may be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Many believe this disorder is only reserved for those brave military men and women who’ve put their lives on the line for our country, but PTSD can happen to anyone, and for so many various reasons that there is no way to define exactly what causes it. People are unique and everyone has different coping mechanisms, so what may not affect one person at all can seriously traumatize another.”

“PTSD can be caused by any situation in which you feel threatened or helpless, when bodily harm has happened to you, or if you’ve witnessed the hurting or death of others. Combat, sexual, emotional or physical abuse, robbery, natural disasters and being a part of a traumatic event such as a public shooting are all examples of experiences that can trigger this disorder.

Symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can include:

  • Recurrent reliving or re-experiencing of the trauma, including flashbacks and nightmares.
  • Avoidance of people or places that remind the sufferer of the traumatic experience.
  • Emotional numbing or feeling detached from life, which are coping mechanisms the brain uses to protect the victim from further stress.
  • Depression, including memory loss or inability to concentrate, or feelings of hopelessness.
  • Hyper-vigilance via the constant scanning of environments for danger, including claustrophobia, anxiety-induced insomnia and fear of crowds or elevators.
  • Outbursts of anger, sudden mood swings and headaches.
  • Startling easily, especially when loud, sudden noises are involved.
  • Panic attacks, including tachycardia, feeling dizzy, light-headed, or fainting.

If you have experienced a traumatic event and have any of these symptoms, there are many ways to treat your issues and help you through this rough time.”



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