Keren Threlfall

Reading 2013: The Rough Guide to Travel with Babies & Young Children

May 23, 2013 in 2013 Reading with 0 Comments

Her face was white and ashen, and she stood in silence after my husband told her we were taking our three kids to Ecuador for a five week trip.

“Are you going on a missions trip?” “Do you have family there?” “So, you mean, you’re taking your kids with you?”

These are a few of the reactions we’ve encountered when people learn we’re headed to Ecuador with our three young children. Apparently, this is a rather scary revelation to some, but after reading The Rough Guide to Travel with Babies & Young Children, I was reminded that such adventures are simply par for the course for many parents of babies and young children.

This guide by Fawzia Rasheed de Francisco covers many of the basics of traveling with children. For the seasoned family traveler, this won’t be groundbreaking advice. Most of the advice is geared for traveling internationally, though some advice is designed for those who simply want to take road trips.

We have traveled some with our children, but never overseas or to a third-world country. Daniel and I have both traveled to a number of foreign countries, yet this will be an entirely new experience for us. The lists and checksheets were particularly helpful in our preparations as we adapted a good deal to our choices, preferences, and particular accommodations. (I guess the real test of that will be in a few weeks from now!)

Fawzia divides the book into three main section: preparation, making the journey, and being there. Additionally, a fourth and final section covers regional specifics, divided by continent. The author also writes using British English, which may require some thinking (or Googling) for those unfamiliar with the expressions and terms that differ slightly from American English.

Table of Contents:

Justus is One!

May 23, 2013 in baby, Justus, Life, Life in Instagram, Uncategorized with 0 Comments

It never ceases to amaze how just one year’s time can transform a ruddy, floppy, birth-scented newborn into a walking, talking, baby with a definite sense of humor and vibrant personality.

We praise God for our joy-filled year with Justus Daniel Shalom, and pray for many more years together. Happy first birthday to our beloved son! We celebrate his life and those who have played a special part in his life so far.

May God make His face shine on you, and may you grow into a man, who, in keeping with your name, seeks justice, yearns for and promotes true shalom, and who lives with the thought that “God [alone] is judge,” as we seek to nurture and tenderly shepherd you as you become the person you were created to be.

Justus at 12 Months Continue Reading…

1 Corinthians 13 Mom Meditations: Love Bears All Things

May 22, 2013 in 1 Corinthians 13 with 0 Comments

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (ESV)

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (NIV)

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. (KJV)

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (NAS)

Love Bears All Things

Although only around a dozen words in length, these few words of 1 Corinthians 13: 7 can go a long way. In fact, the translation of “all things” alone has caused great mystery among interpreters and theological scholars. There is a lot of philosophical discussion over all the things ”all things” could possibly mean.

Love Like a Roof?

While the possibilities are still broad when we read that love bears all things, we know that the bearing described here is intended to convey the idea of the support that a roof provides. The word “bears” is broad in the sense of helping others. As we love our children and “bear all things, ” we learn to support, protect, and cover them.

We’ve often heard phrases like “love does,” “love is a verb,” or “love is active.” Those statements remind us that a loving person does loving things. There’s more to love than a smiling face and a sweet tone of voice. When Paul wrote this statement, “love bears,” he used a word that has to do with roofing. How loving is a roof?

The word picture here is stunning, once we let the implications sink in. A roof covers, protects, and shelters its inhabitants. It is there to withstand pelting rain, unbearable sun rays, and even to provide privacy. A roof is a protector. That’s what love is supposed to do — protect, shield, shelter, and cover.

Let’s bring that into the parenting arena for a moment. Our children need to be defended and protected. We live in a big, dangerous world. Our children are put into our care for their protection. There is sometimes an attitude toward parenting that expects kids to be tough and grow up, and there is a degree to which we need to empower our children by giving them independence, respect, and responsibility. But a three-year old might not be prepared to protect herself from dangers she isn’t even aware of, or harmful things that she can’t see. Our babies don’t learn to survive on their own by leaving them to themselves to tough it out. Our preteens don’t grow when given emotional burdens too heavy for them to carry alone. Our teens often need supporting structure and sheltering trust. Our children need us to be their roof.

Children need physical protection; that’s quite obvious. (And perhaps the easiest, when we get to the other areas and realize the heavy responsibility.) What we feed them, how we treat them — these are important elements of protecting them. They need spiritual protection. They need to be protected from the direct influence of wrongdoers. They sometimes need to be protected from their own foolishness. They need emotional protection that supports and bears the hardships of life as the gradually grow from tender plants into strong pillars of trees. And to broaden this analogy, when we place the crushing burdens of life on them prematurely, we do more damage to the small saplings than we do to strengthen it. Love that bears all things is a patient love.

Love that bears all things is an encompassing protection, yet this love that protects and cover–love that bears–is one that, when combined with the other aspects of love, eventually even protects them from the over-parenting, hovering, and over-protectiveness that can subtly creep in wearing the mask of this sort of love. It’s a big order, but that’s what this description of love is all about — protecting, covering, bearing.

Others in this Series:

photo by Hana Kate Threlfall

Reading 2013: Desperate

May 10, 2013 in 2013 Reading, parenting with 0 Comments

More than the Title

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe is a book jointly authored by Sarah Mae Hoover and Sally Clarkson, two mothers with seven children between them. If social media and blog post topics tell us anything about the life of a mother of young children (from the perspective of American Evangelicals and/or mainstream American parenting, at least), it reflects this season as a time of great desperation and weariness. In this sense, the title is perfect, particularly in addressing the popular sentiment connected with today’s mothering. However, I think I’d definitely recommend this for both younger and older moms, even those who definitely feel the tug and pull of the demands of motherhood, yet wouldn’t quite say they’re left breathless in their role. But titling the book, Conversations Between an Older and Younger Mother probably wouldn’t fit quite so well.

Nonetheless, a great portion of the book is comprised of “letters” written back and forth between the mother of young children, Sarah Mae and her mentor, Sally Clarkson. To me, this is what makes the book most valuable. I have read other parenting books authored by Sally Clarkson, but the back-and-forth dialogue between Sally and Sarah Mae brings out Sally’s older-mother, mentor wisdom in a very helpful manner. From the vantage point of a younger mother still in the little years, Sarah Mae asks Sally for help and advice; that aspect makes the book much more relavent to mothers in similar points of motherhood (as opposed to just one older mother giving wisdom, but seeming disconnected). At times, I have heard from young mothers that Sally’s writing seems too idealist and happy for mothers in the little years, and I think Sarah Mae’s questions serve to balance that out; on the opposite side, I am sure that without Sally’s balancing, seasoned words, Sarah Mae’s questions and concerns might sound overly desperate.

Wise Advice from an Older Woman about Learning from Older Women

As a young mom with young children (currently three, age five and under, which I guess according some counts for something on the difficulty scale ), this book was refreshing.

During my teen years, some of my dear friends were in the Senior Saints circles at church, but in my present location and life situation, I have very few older women in my life. I recognize and believe that God designed families to grow as part of a larger community and with age integration. I also see the overlapping generations among families as a way to strengthen the arms of younger moms. But while ideal, that is not my reality–my mother lives nearly 500 miles away and still works full-time and my mother-in-law (and sister) both live in Asian countries on nearly opposite time zones.

As I have come to see the importance of community and as our family has grown, this can be an area in which I tend to feel sorry for myself. For a while, friends and I would step in with meals and care when another had a need, but as our families have grown and as this season of life has become more time-consuming, that has grown increasingly more difficult to do (especially while we have vehicle and time constraints). I have longed for an older woman to come alongside me and to help me practically and offer friendship and the wisdom of experience. And I often feel like, as the younger woman, I need to allow an older woman to initiate this. But Sally’s counsel was to both be patient and not fear being the initiator. Even with keeping up with family, I have often felt the pressure of having to be the initiator; yet, as this year has progressed, I’ve realized that a flourishing and growing a relationship is far more important that who is the initiator. To this end, I found Sally’s advice particularly comforting. I’ve also realized that even when older women are not geographically close to me, I can still maintain long-distance and online relationships with older women. And, like Sarah Mae and Sally frequently mention, when I am the older mom, I will have plenty of ideas of how to help younger moms, rather than have the idea “It was hard for me, so you need to tough it out, too.”

Grace and Practical Advice

One main aspect I’ve come to appreciate from Sally’s writings is her graciousness. This is present throughout the book, but particularly at the end of the book in the “Q & A with Sally Clarkson” section.

As an older mother whose four children are now adults with a good relationship with the parents and with God, it could be easy for Sally to boast in her “success.” Yet, it stood out to me that she remarked on having friends who raised children similarly, and yet their children are not where they had prayed or expected. (At the same time, Sally does stress the importance of teaching and training children, and seems to do a good job balancing the concepts of sowing and reaping with the concept of resting in God’s sovereignty.) Sally does not discount that she poured herself into her family and children, but she does so with full recognition that God could have allowed the hearts of her children to turn another direction.

Sally is also often quick to point out that there is no “formula” for raising children, and that moms of little ones need to be especially careful of falling into that trap, for the promise of success is quite tempting when in the thick of it.

In certain portions, I felt that liberties were taken with Biblical allusions and metaphors that went beyond what the text was actually saying. (But really, have I read any book on parenting that doesn’t?) In other areas, I sometimes got annoyed by the talk of lighting vanilla scented candles and sipping tea. But in reality, it made me want to go light a candle (I did ), and I happen to like sipping tea, though I’d like to do so while cracking open a volume of Calvin’s Institutes. (And who knows? I might start putting flowers on my table more often, too.) But anyway, those minor frustations with the book don’t diminish my appreciation for the book or my willingness to recommend it to fellow Christian moms.

Table of Contents:

1 Corinthians 13 Mom Meditations: Love Rejoices in Truth, Not in Evil

May 8, 2013 in 1 Corinthians 13 with 0 Comments

It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. (ESV)

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (NIV)

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; (KJV)

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; (NASB)

How does this play itself out in the life of a mother (or, really, any parent)?

Not Delighting in Our Child’s Failures

If we are truly acting in a loving way, we don’t gloat at opportunities to lecture or rebuke our children about their wrongdoing. If admonition and teaching is necessary, so be it, but we grieve the wrong done. There are times when we want to jump onto a misbehaving child with the “aha” eagerness to shame them for their sin, but this does not reflect the kind of love described in this chapter.

Love is empathetic. The subtle joy/grief contrast in this verse communicates empathy. True love is empathetic, that is, it feels with the object of its love. If our child is grieving, we grieve with them. If our child is joyful, we rejoice with them. We celebrate the good, and seek to abate the bad.

In another sense, this looks like a coach or personal trainer on the sidelines, rooting and cheering for the fruits of righteousness and truth as they come forth from our children’s lives, and grieving when unrighteousness and its consequences are present.

Love rejoices in the truth in our children’s lives.

Love rejoices. The emphasis of the verse is upon rejoicing, or joy. Joy is mentioned twice — once in the negative and once in the positive. The bottom line is this: love rejoices. Joy ought not be present in the face of unrighteousness, but at all other times — the environment of truth in which we live as Christians — there is joy.

Sometimes the truth is not our desired outcome, but love rejoices.

Similar to a previous discussion, sometimes the truth is that we are wrong or that we didn’t have facts correct at first. Rather than insisting on our own way, we can allow love and truth to trump our desires to feel validated or have the final word.

Stretching this application a little further, sometimes the truth is also that our child has a certain God-given personality that is unlike our own or is gifted in an area that we are unfamiliar with. Instead of despising them for these things, we can ask God for this genuine, deeply rooted love to rejoice in what God is doing in their lives.

Rejoicing Love Can Be Observed

Not only is this type of love demonstrated to our families in how respond to them, but it is demonstrated as we live out love toward others outside of our family. At a certain point, it becomes more and more difficult to hide our own shortcomings from our children. Unfortunately, our children are often the first to spot hypocrisy or ingenuity.

From the negative perspective, it is highly likely that our children will hear our conversations about others, and from our mouth proceeds what is in our heart. Is it in our heart to rejoice when a peer or friend slips up, falls into harmful patterns, or has hardship come into their lives. Do we say, “Ha! Definitely saw that coming!” or “Yeah, serves them right!” Or do we sorrow and ask ourselves how we can love these people in their difficult times.

On the contrary, and on the positive side, can we readily rejoice when truth is promoted in the others? Even when recognizing the truth in others may feel painful ourselves? Our children need to know what true love is and see it in action. Before we speak of others, can we first ask ourselves if hearing my words is showing my child(ren) how to love others?

When others rightfully receive what we have desired, Spirit-gifted love overcomes our own desires and allows us to rejoice with them, whether the truth of granted desires is for our children or mere acquaintances.

There are many other ways this portion of the passage could be applied to mothers, and the text is rather straightforward: Love rejoices in truth, not evil.

Others in this Series:

Links to Think: 13.05.06

May 6, 2013 in Links to Think with 2 Comments

A Week of Groceries in Different Countries – I love resources that allow us to look at aspects of the daily life and routines of people around the world. This is an interesting collection at some of the representative grocery selections around the world. (Though I am pretty sure there is a great deal of variance within each countries that is impossible to fully represent here, as is reflected by the USA picture and others.)

The ‘New Legalism:’ How the push to be ‘radical’ and ‘missional’ discourages ordinary people in ordinary places from doing ordinary things to the glory of God - I appreciate Anthony Bradley’s article on what’s come to be labeled as “Radical Christianity,” though this type of legalism is certainly not new. I spent over 25 years of my life hearing a very similar message and the past few need to constantly be reminded that my identity is not what “what are you doing for Jesus?” but what Jesus has done for me.

What he doesn’t specifically address in this article, though, is that it seems a robust Christianity will made up of those who are doing what we see as the “more radical” and the radically mundane (and everything in between); it will be made up of those who give all their goods to the poor and of those who are blessed with immense earthly riches. In fact, for many of us, one lifetime may place us in a variety of places within spectrum of radical to radically mundane. (Emphasis mine.)

“I continue to be amazed by the number of youth and young adults who are stressed and burnt out from the regular shaming and feelings of inadequacy if they happen to not be doing something unique and special. Today’s millennial generation is being fed the message that if they don’t do something extraordinary in this life they are wasting their gifts and potential. The sad result is that many young adults feel ashamed if they “settle” into ordinary jobs, get married early and start families, live in small towns, or as 1 Thessalonians 4:11 says, “aspire to live quietly, and to mind [their] affairs, and to work with [their] hands.” For too many millennials their greatest fear in this life is being an ordinary person with a non-glamorous job, living in the suburbs, and having nothing spectacular to boast about.”

“A few decades ago, an entire generation of baby boomers walked away from traditional churches to escape the legalistic moralism of “being good,” but what their millennial children received in exchange, in an individualistic American Christian culture, was shamed-driven pressure to be awesome and extraordinary young adults expected to tangibly make a difference in the world immediately. But this cycle of reaction and counter-reaction, inaugurated by the baby boomers, does not seem to be producing faithful young adults. Instead, many are simply burning out.”

“Perhaps the best antidote to these pendulum swings and fads is simply to recover an mature understanding of vocation so that youth and young adults understand that they can make important contributions to human flourishing in any sphere of life because there are no little people or insignificant callings in the Kingdom.”

How We Became Classical Unschoolers, and the Books We Use in Our School Every Day - I love Anne Bogel’s description of her family’s educational philosophy. Although our children are still younger in their ages and the actual bookwork part of our schooling is not as much yet, I feel like her title is descriptive of where we are right now on educational thoughts. (Though how it gets played out in her home and the texts she use will not necessarily be descriptive of our situation.)

“Back when we first started homeschooling, we bought boxed grade-level curriculum from Memoria Press. We chose this route because it was easy: my son had been using the same books at the private school, so we all knew what to expect from school-in-a-box. (I felt validated when I later heard Susan Wise Bauer recommend boxed curriculum for the first year of homeschooling.) I tried to follow all the directions to the letter.

That lasted for about a month.

It turns out that the boxed curriculum called for a whole lot of things that didn’t suit our little homeschool very well. It required enormous amounts of writing, and I had a boy who could only write one page of anything before freaking out. It was highly structured, and structure is tough to maintain when your 3-year-old is trying to feed legos to the baby. who won’t nap. again. And it turned out that everybody–me, student 1, student 2–hated worksheets. And there were a lot of worksheets.

I felt guilty about deviating from the lesson plans for the better part of that year, but I eventually got over it, and we settled into a style that worked for us. For all of us. And eventually, we gave it a name: classical unschooling. (Hat tip to my friend Jessica for the turn of phrase.)

I came to depend on the lesson plans less and less. Eventually, I stopped looking at them. I finally came to believe what I’d always heard about homeschooling: that you really can tailor your school to meet the needs of your students.”

New Wave Complementarianism, Wendy Alsup and Kevin DeYoung - In a post two weeks ago, I shared a link to Wendy Alsup’s article, “A New Wave of Complementarianism.” There have been several articles written in response to Wendy’s article. This article links to some of the main ones and then offers some commentary.

“[T]here are so many people who have been asking legitimate questions and raising the warning flags for years now. The response has been to minimize, ignore or (in the most extreme cases) demonize those who ask questions.

I think perhaps finally over the past six to twelve months I’m starting to see the realization dawn amongst some of them that perhaps they really do have to listen to people who are asking questions.”

“The cognitive dissonance is a huge deal. I think this may especially be true of younger women who are in healthy marriages with men who are their best friends. Marriage is very different for recent generations than it was previous ones. Women are constantly told from the pulpit that they are subversive usurpers and that everything wrong in a marriage can be traced back to the woman not submitting. Then they look at their own marriages and they see NOTHING of this. The incessant and unrelenting focus on women submitting or else they will destroy their marriage (and the church and civilization as we know it) makes no sense to them (or me).

Lastly, the internet has opened dialog in ways never possible before. It’s really hard to demonize the egalitarians when you interact with them online and have pleasant discussions with them. When you realize that many of them are deeply committed to the Scriptures and long to follow Christ faithfully so they can hear “Well done, good and faithful servant,” all of the sudden you realize that maybe the questions they are asking are honest and come from a heart deeply committed to Christ. Making all egalitarians out as the enemy to be appeased (as DeYoung put it) is truly an insult to the brothers and sisters in Christ who take this view.”

1 Corinthians 13 Mom Meditations: Love Does Not Keep Records of Wrongs

May 1, 2013 in 1 Corinthians 13 with 2 Comments

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful (ESV)

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (NIV)

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (KJV)

[Love] does not act unbecomingly; itdoes not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, (NASB)

With small children, especially, it may be odd to consider how this works. While we probably would associate this description of love with forgiveness, we don’t necessarily need to delve into a discussion on what forgiveness is in order to study how love plays out in this situations.

It’s pretty straightforward — love keeps no records of wrongs. (Sounds a little scary to actually do this!) To express it positively and simply, love forgives readily and without any prerequisites.

In some Christian circles, forgiveness is misunderstood as pretending a person has never done wrong. But really, true forgiveness shows its radicalness by acknowledging that wrong has occurred, and then forgiving anyway. It’s not forgetting; it is choosing not to hold it against them.

It’s easy to so often see primarily the negative in our children. We subtly move toward framing our children’s behaviors in dogmatic terms, using words such as always, never, or is: ”She always thinks she can get her own way.” “He never can get that right.” “She is a liar.”

When we begin to speak these words about our children or in front of our children, we begin to shape their identity in an unhealthy way.

Instead, in their wrongdoing, we need to point them (and ourselves) to Christ, and we need to see our children not only as deprived, but as image bearers.

It’s especially hard to do when the wrong has hurt us, when it’s stung, made us look bad, or embarrassed us. We don’t want to respond lovingly, because we want to take into account the wrong we suffered through. But when love considers how to respond, it doesn’t first take into account how we feel we’ve been wronged–that our kids made us look like bad parents or helped the observing world recognize our imperfections. Our parental might still need to address a wrong, but it addresses it detached from our embarrassment for making us look bad or our grief over having an prized possession damaged. (Or maybe we even examine our own motives and see the child has done no “sin,” but we perceived the wrong as sin due to our own wrong desires.)

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There is a type of blindness in love — not gullible naivete that winks at wrongdoing or leaves the helpless unprotected from wrongdoers, but a consistent expectation of right, that assumes the best. When we keep records of our children’s bad behavior, we are creating in our own minds an expectation of their continuing in that way — doing more wrong. We are focusing on ourselves rather than the true issues. Love is blind to past failures, and hopeful about future success. Love is blind to our own initial reactions and takes a balanced approach in addressing concerns.

In acknowledging our children’s depravity — and our own, while we’re at it — we should strive to do so in love. There is, in some Christian circles, such a heavy emphasis upon depravity, that we’ve almost lost the need to love, love, love.

When we see this love for what it truly is, we recognize Christ’s love. How did Jesus respond to our depravity? With love. This is what he did when he died for us. He loved us, became our sacrifice, and completely wiped our record clean. When he looks at us, he doesn’t see a laundry list of sins — our bad attitude today, our angry words yesterday, and the gossipy email before that. He sees us as forgiven. He actually sees us as righteous.

This is the love that whispers grace and the Gospel into the lives our children. Radical grace, radical love. Love that comes about in our own hearts as fruit of our sanctification.

When we encounter grace, its radicalness should stop us in our tracks and make us genuinely wonder, “Should we keep sinning so that we might see more and more of this grace?” The answer will always be a resounding, “may it never be!” the emphatic μὴ γένοιτο. Yet, seeing the shocking nature grace should lead us to ask this question again and again. (Romans 6)

Links to Think: 13.04.29

April 29, 2013 in Links to Think, Uncategorized with 0 Comments

How Evangelicals Are Learning to Be Pro-Palestine, Pro-Israel, Pro-Peace, Pro-Justice and Always Pro-Jesus – Growing up in an environment where eschatology equaled Left Behind and patriotism meant fighting with and for Israel at all costs, I found this perspective helpful and refreshing.

“Many evangelicals, who were discouraged by the failed prophecies and the “mood of doom” that dominated the evangelical church in the second half of the 20th century, are rediscovering that the gospel also speaks powerfully to issues of peace, justice, and reconciliation.

Books about the end times, such as those written by Tim LaHaye and Hal Lindsey, no longer dominate the bookshops, and people are being challenged by writings that focuses on the here and now, instead of the there and then!

In particular, the evangelical church typically has looked at the Middle East through the eyes of prophecy, leaning towards an unconditional support for Israel. Evangelicals in the West cheered the creation of the State of Israel in 1948 and the subsequent wars, believing them to be signs of the second coming of Christ—all the while neglecting the impact these events had on real people in the Middle East, specifically on Palestinians, and especially on the Palestinian Church.

The irony for Palestinian Christians is that evangelicals, with their over-emphasis on prophecy, have lost the capacity of being prophetic!

In many cases, when Palestinian Christians (or those who are sympathetic to them) share their take on things, they are demonized, ridiculed, and even accused of being anti-Semitic. The mere presence and voice of Palestinian Christians presents a dilemma for many Christian Zionists, who prefer a simple black and white perspective. But over the years, Palestinian Christians have challenged the Western church to consider what it means to be the church. They have reminded them of the importance of justice and peacemaking. If our theology produces apathy to injustice, it must be re-examined. In the words of Carl Medearis:

If your end-times theology trumps the clear commands in Scripture to love neighbours and enemies, then it is time to rethink your theology.

Many who come to visit the “Holy Land” are troubled by the situation of Palestinians, and are beginning to ask questions about the occupation and the injustices that the Palestinians are facing on a daily basis.”

Four Lies About Introverts - If you’ve been keeping up with the recent information and writing on introverts and extroverts, this article is likely nothing new, but another helpful angle, particularly to Christians in ministry. This Gospel Coalition blog piece is written by Amie Patrick.

“2. Introverts don’t like people.

This has perhaps been the lie that’s stung most for me. I care deeply about people, but I need time alone to recharge in order to be able to give them my best. It’s taken me years to view this as good stewardship rather than some sort of flaw I need to overcome. Actually, and perhaps ironically, the chief thing that’s kept me from loving people well has been my attempt to be someone I’m not. The more I’ve tried to be that “life of the party” girl, endlessly accommodating others without considering what I need to recover, the less capacity I’ve had to actually love people well.

We’re all responsible to obey biblical commands related to loving people sacrificially and living hospitably and generously. And it’s a cop-out to use introversion as an excuse for self-protective isolation. But there’s not just one or even ten “right” ways to love people well. I’ve learned to get better at small talk and interacting with strangers, because it’s important and necessary, but it’s never going to be my greatest strength. I’ve become much more comfortable in opening our home to small and large groups of people, both in planned and spontaneous ways, but going deep with one or two people over coffee is always going to be a place where I thrive. Accepting my God-given introversion, I still allow myself to be stretched or uncomfortable. But I passionately pursue opportunities where I can love people deeply with my gifts and life, and then humbly take responsibility for what it looks like for me to be refreshed.

3. Solitude is selfish and indulgent.

Now there’s a reality here that can be true. If my choice to be alone is primarily to serve myself and intensify a me-oriented focus, it is a problem. But for a long time I believed solitude for the purpose of prayer, Bible study, or worship is necessary, but anything beyond that is probably frivolous. However, I’ve come to experience great benefits from a variety of solitary activities. Solitude in itself isn’t inherently helpful or harmful, but the underlying purpose is pivotal. I can go for a run by myself to clear my head and enjoy God’s gift of nature—or to sinfully distract myself from something I need to confront. I can sit alone in a coffee shop in order to think deeply and process life events—or to worry about things beyond my control. When I cooperate with the way God has designed me, and surrender my solitude to him, he uses it to refresh my soul in often unexpected and powerful ways.”

I’m Sick of Hearing About Your Smoking Hot Wife - This article struck a chord with me and some of the bristling I’ve felt when hearing (or reading) men speak of their “smoking hot wives.”

“When a man brags about his wife’s looks, body, or smoking hot prowess, we may consider his remarks loving compliments from a husband to his better half, but when I hear a man say those things, I bristle. Especially if he’s a pastor, a man apportioned by God to shepherd not only the men in their congregations, but the women too. Wounded women. Tired women. Abused women. Women with so many “godly” expectations thrown at them that they’ll either break under the weight or bootstrap themselves, try-try-trying harder, experiencing burnout, and never quite living up to anyone’s expectations.”

Favorite Fitness Apps

April 26, 2013 in health, Resources with 0 Comments

My Top Two Favorites

1. GymPact (Free)

If putting money on the line motivates you, GymPact could be a great accountability tool. I exercise at Anytime Fitness 3 days a week, and so this was a great way to add self-accountability (without broadcasting to the world every fitness move–great for others, but not something I was wanting in an accountability app).

Basically, you commit to working out a certain number of times each week, and if you miss that time, then you must pay $5 (via Paypal). However, for each time you attend that you’ve committed, you earn. It’s not much–usually about 30 cents per time, but it does add up. For me, probably enough to pay for gas for my trips to the fitness center.

Each workout must be at least 30 minutes long, and only one workout per day counts toward the week’s goals.

This app now allows users to “check-in” not only at a fitness center, but also to sync it with the RunKeeper app and check in that way. (My husband goes this route.)

If you’ve never used this app and sign up, you can use the code kneeKeren to give both you and me a $5 bonus. Once you earn $10, you can cash out your reward (via Paypal).

This has helped motivate me on weeks when I thought it might be better to forgo a workout at the end of the week. So far, I haven’t missed a workout that I’ve committed to. And I’m getting paid!

2. Sworkit Pro ($.99 for pro; free for lite version; can also do online for free)

On the days that I don’t head to the fitness center (other than my rest day), I use Sworkit Pro at home. This is a great circuit training app, and I usually focus on core exercises and cardio. This is a great app for uncoordinated people such as myself, in that it includes a video demonstration of each exercise.

You can select what type of workout you want and then choose how long you want to work out. (I like to try to get in two 15 minute sets over the course of the day, sometimes a 10 minute cardo + a 5 minute core.) Then, the app announces which exercise you are to do. Each is set for 30 seconds, and then a new exercise is announced (giving approximately 4 after one exercise and while the next is announced). There are also 30-second rests scheduled in.

This is also great, because you don’t need any equipment other than your own body, so it is quite portable for exercise while traveling. (Though I recommend using some sort of padding or a yoga mat.) If you aren’t able to run or want to do an entire body workout without going to the gym or having to use a DVD, this is a great option that includes everything you need.

Additionally, I use Katy Bowman’s “Down There for Women” DVD from Aligned and Well (biomechanics; ancestral health approach) to try to improve my biomechanics. She now has apps available for some of the exercises, and I hope to try these in app form soon. (Although the DVD listed is for women, there are also exercises available for men.)

I’m still a good way off from where I want to be with my fitness and health, but at the same time I’ve also come a long way from where I was just a few years ago. These apps have been helpful tools, especially in more recent months. What favorites do you recommend?

1 Corinthians 13 Mom Meditations: Love Is Not Easily Exasperated

April 24, 2013 in 1 Corinthians 13, parenting, Uncategorized with 3 Comments

It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful (ESV)

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (NIV)

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (KJV)

[Love] does not act unbecomingly; itdoes not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, (NASB)

Love is not easily exasperated.

This aspect of love really gets to the heart of what a mom faces day in and day out. The force of the (Greek) verb actually suggests being driven to a point of exasperation. Words like “irritable,” “touchy,” “frustrated,” come to mind.

Love in the moments of exasperation.

What are the factors that drive us to this point?

Whining
Crying
Disobedience
Messes
Interruptions
We want our own way, but it’s not happening.

It is tempting to thrust the blame onto our children for driving us to the point of exasperation. Often the real problem, however, is that our love hasn’t been able to endure. Love of this kind has an impenetrable quality — it never reaches the point of breaking. When love exists in these moments, it is patient and it is kind.

Love is far more than moments of tenderness and gestures of affection. It is a hardy resilience that fails to blow up when things come crashing down–an inner peace that is slow to result in anger.

Love That Lasts

Love must, of course, last for the long term — years, generations, etc. But love must also stick through the short-term trying times — when every kid seems to be screaming, everything seems to be burning, everything is being destroyed, and all you want to do is join in the screaming. Love is about lasting through the day, even when your nerves say no.

It’s helpful to take a long term view of love — seeing it as a journey. But it’s also helpful to see love as a short-term project — something to be carried forward for the next two hours, or two minutes, or two seconds, or whatever it takes to get through that moment of exasperation.

Motherhood is made up of millions of points of potential exasperation. Yes, it’s tough. How in the world do we keep going? Love is the oil that keeps the engine running. It helps us to last. It’s the only way.

Love Thinks Ahead to Prevent Exasperation

Part of our responsibility to practice love that is not exasperated is to take an active role in preventing possible points of exasperation. There are practical loving things that we can and should do to avoid being tempted, as it were, to exasperation. Here are some possibilities:

Doing your best to get enough rest
Ensuring that your children get good food
Maintaining some semblance of a schedule throughout the day
Getting your kids to bed at a decent hour each night
Anticipating and preparing for moments that might prove to be particularly exasperating. For example, if lunch preparation is typically an exasperating time, do your best to prepare your heart, give yourself enough time, and perhaps talk to the children before you begin making lunch.
Anticipate transitions
Provide your children with a rest time, snack time, or nap time.
Leave pauses in the day to take a breathe and release some pressure. If a day is a go-go-go-go kind of day, with no stop, break, or release, it’s no wonder that we get exasperated. Do what you can to take a brief moments to release pressure — to pause, pray, think, or just sit.
Sometimes it is a deep breath and moment of prayer, asking God to help us appropriate the grace He has made available to us.

Love that defies irritability.

Irritation or exasperation is one of the hardest things to hide. You know how your husband or good friend just know when you’re having a bad day. You tried so hard to hide it, but somehow, people can figure it out. Our children can figure it out, too. Even if we’re trying to hide it, it’s often easy for children to spot.

Love, in all its full-faceted 1 Corinthians 13 glory, is a love that refuses to be irritated. In other words, it’s not that we’re trying to hide our irritation. This is not a denial of emotions or a fake happy face. It’s not suppressing anger. (And anger is not wrong in and of itself! Paradoxically, repeatedly suppressing anger and denying its existence often leads to this type of irritation.) We must not just detach ourselves from our children in order that we don’t have to react ourselves. It’s that we are refusing (Or, rather, the Spirit working in us is creating this miraculous peaceful reaction) to be irritated.

It’s more than a mind trick at work here. It’s the grace-filled pursuit of a love that we can’t dish up on our own. It’s the admission that our love tank is empty, our exasperation gauge is high, and something’s about to blow. At that moment, when irritiability threatens to make a bad situation worse, love steps in and calls for peace and patience. This isn’t natural. This is only something that God can do — that God is able to do — for moms.

As moms, we face exasperating moments all the time. This little phrase in 1 Corinthians 13:5 is a powerful tidbit of explanation. But it’s more than just an explanation or definition of love. It’s a commission to love. God enables us with the love that we need — a love that is not exasperated.

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